Dear One.....I do wish one thing.  That You would give me a shove and a shake.  I get so tired of "being sorrowful"......or, "sick at heart".....when I really have only precious gifts....and blessings too abundant to count. A couple of calls yesterday....and I hear, "What's wrong?"  Lord, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG.  Still....I moan like a pathetic loser.  I AM NOT A LOSER.  Still.....I continue to feel like one.  I read.  I write.  I try to think.  I try to teach.  I try to give good leadership.  I try. I try. I try.  And, still..... I feel like such a .........well, I won't write it out loud.  (My poor family hates when I speak negatively about myself.)    I am Yours.  That is one thing I am sure of.  I am an instrument of Your choosing to be a help to You.....not a hindrance.  Recently receiving a letter of commendation to my worthiness.....I quickly sloughed it off as the evil one would have me do.  I replaced all the compliments with satan's lies.  Each thing, I replaced with....."If they only knew....".  Dear One......please give me a transplant.  I feel like I need another  start.  New batteries.  New juice.  New kick start.  And...then....I wonder.  How long will this work?  How long do I go before I need another jolt.  Shoot, Lord!  I need a resuscitation implant. I know.  I talk silly.  Actually, Lord.....I prefer You do the jolting of my being.  I thank You, Father, for the devotionals that spark my heart.  I like the ones that speak to me changing and being at my best for You.  I like the ones that speak to my being willing to change habits and reactions to what I can't change at all.  It isn't possible for me to help anyone if I continue to walk around in a fog.  I need to be aware of the example I set with my demeanor in limbo.  Raise me up, Lord.....to a new place.  Set me up on the rock, Christ Jesus.  Give me another pair of shoes....that don't give me the blisters of resistant feet.  Arm me with Your words of compassion and understanding.  I am losing out on all counts.  The words I read this week sort of said it all.  I can't get them out of my head.  The excuses I come up with to make excuses sound better, need to stop.  It does little for me.  I need to accept that there are things that I can change.  And, I have or will continue to further that goal for You.....but, I need to accept  that there are some things You have no plan to change at all.... things that You do not want changed.  Somehow, Lord Jesus.....that possibility never occurred to me.  There is no new revision to this particular edifice. You want me to live victoriously with what You have laid out for me.....and probably want me to stop complaining about it.  Right?  "Yeah!  That's what I figured is what I really feel like saying......" but, I will try to change that as long as I can......and accept that perhaps this thorn that I feel just about all of the time.....will be a thorn I can live with and not make excuses for....and eventually be thankful for......maybe, even to say it.....and believe it too.  Is that even possible?  I'm going to rest with that for now, Lord.  I'm going to see how this fits.  I say with determination.....You have given me much to think about.  Help me, Jesus.  I depend on You .  I thank You and praise You.  I speak all of this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.