Just a heads-up friends.......This is a long one!                   

Lord.....I wish I could explain how I feel.  I know that You know.  I'd just love to be able to put it into words.  I. I. I.  That's seems to be all I ever talk about.  Do You get annoyed with it?  Jeepers.....I'd like to think that You don't.  Mainly because I can't do this with people.  No one wants to listen as long as I can drone on.....not really.  I do wish, Lord.....at my age, I still wasn't so concerned about how "I" am viewed by others.  Why is that?  Help me, Jesus, to be the example for You that you expected all along that I could be.  And, then.....help me to be contented with that.  
I think of all the years I have written to You with a pen and paper.  I know by the way "other's" react when they hear it.....especially gentlemen.  Even women. (They are a little kinder!)  I remember precisely when I bought a really pretty lavender writing pen.  The tip was fine and the ink was black.....(my favorite) and a lavender and white  composition book.  It was all very feminine and pretty.  The reason I decided to give  it to her, was for her to put her thoughts and/or prayers down on paper to give herself an outlet.
She had just found out her husband of half a century had been unfaithful to her......and the worst part of it was, it  couldn't be shoved under a rug anymore.  It was worthy of prison time.  All of her dreams and hopes for a continued happy life were smashed.  Lord, I remember her first words to me......"Don't cry for me if you hear I have died because there are things that are worse than death."  O dear Jesus......Savior of all of us......why do these horrible events ever have to happen?  Why do Your people have to experience some of the most horrendous experiences one can't even imagine.  I remember reading, "Dorie.  The Girl Nobody Loved" by Dorie Van Stone.  After I read that book, I remember walking into my laundry room, doing the wash, and actually being so disgusted with You.  I said aloud to You, as I rammed clothes into the dryer...."Why in the world didn't You rescue her, Lord?  Why did You allow her to have to live so alone......and in such degradation?
I don't understand.  I hate it for her.  I am sick because You allowed this."  And, on and on I went.....talking to You like You couldn't pound me into the ground with one look.  I remember that You ignored my insolence and answered me pretty quickly.  I didn't like the answer much, but accepted it.  Where it came from, I cannot remember.  But, I  KNEW  IT  WAS  FROM  YOU!!!  No doubts.  Even though I think it is the hardest thing to overcome from both sides of the spectrum.....There has to be SOMEBODY that can show SOMEBODY else how horrible things can and are overcome by belief in You and what YOU can do in a life of someone so terribly abused.  Sometimes mere words in a book will not work....whether they are Your words or not.  People have to see a story that relates to them, personally. Sometimes it clicks for them and then; regrettably, sometimes it doesn't.  I wish, Dear Lord, I had learned all the lessons You have tried to teach me the first time.  I do, though, appreciate the fact that You kept bringing "my issue" back to me therein allowing me the privilege of having peace in my own soul.  I know, I can be stubborn.  And, it seems I always have to have a picture drawn for me.  I guess what amazes me is that You take time to let that happen for me.  I thank You, Lord.....for being aware all the time of how I learn.....and being so gracious in the waiting.  
As I stated, a long while back.....I thought my gift would be received with a sigh of relief.  It was received with.....almost a question mark? and "Why would you give me this?" look.  As far as I know.....she never wrote a word of her saga in that book.
  It was used for the various things a person does in a day.....or needs at the store.  It doesn't matter, Jesus. She had You, and still does.  You understand the cries of a servant......even when I don't understand all of the reasons why or why not!!
Lord.....I know that no one understands like You do.  I believe it.  I believe.  And, Lord, for future intent.....I believe it most of the time.  There are days I don't feel alone.  There are days I feel the enemy is running the show of my life.  Those are the days I will cling to the old rugged cross for dear life.....because, with You, it is.  
'Jesus, lover of my soul....let me to thy bosom fly'.....because that is where I get the most restful sleep.  In  Your name I pray this prayer.  Amen.