Lord.....You know why I act like I do.  I wish I knew why I act like I do.  Sometimes its good.  Sometimes its bad.  And, sometimes its ugly.  Regrettably.  You know, Lord?  Sometimes, I wonder if You felt bad when You threw the money changers off the temple steps  or out of the temple.  Did You think about going back to them and apologizing for dumping their stuff all over the place or feel You had to "make nice" for ruffling every ones feathers......You know, the ones that go off saying things like...." Humph.....I thought he was a Christian!"
I'm always wondering if and when  I say something, should I have?
I am still thinking about the sermon our pastor preached last Sunday.  It was about "always" having something to say (usually negative) about some "body", or some "thing".  What else is there?
Actually, the text eludes me, but.....I knew You were talking to me!
The blame in any situation always has a little of my name in it some
where.  So.....I have no right to blast anyone else.  I had another epiphany this week.  I had the privilege of watching the movie that came out not too long ago.  "War Room".  I wasn't going to watch it......!  Why?  Well, because I am a Christian.  I love You.  I talk to You.  I have issues all the time.....and, I ,uh......well,mostly......give them to You.  Now that everyone can see what a jerk I am.....it sounds to me like I think I am too much of a Christ follower to lower myself to go to a movie about prayer.  I do pray.  Yeah, well.....Miss "Holier than Thou" decided she is due for an oil change.  Maybe a totally new transmission.  (Actually, we're not sure what she needs, Lord.....but, stand by while we fill out the estimate for damage done.)  I might understand it better, dear One, if You'd knock me for a loop once in a while.  I am so dense, it's pathetic.  Yes, yes!  I know.....I am badmouthing Your child......but, have You spent time with me  lately?  I think I need  a makeover.   My devotional time has dwindled.  My prayer life, too.....!   That's not very good to say out loud.  I guess I could have kept that between us, but, Yeah!  That's me!  All out there.  I have had soooo much trouble concentrating.
  I have spent time doing what I have to do.  Paring down our belongings to a bare minimum has become my job.  I have stopped complaining......but, I haven't quite stopped moaning about it.  
When You hear from me, Lord......I know You know it's another long drawn out prayer about "my stuff",  or "my life",  or  "my needs."  Thank You, dear One, for not passing me by.  Thank You for calling me out though....warning me.....chastising me.....(Okay, being honest, I feel like You also give me grief!  I also know I do need it!)
When I thought of writing.....I thought of a song we used to sing.  I haven't heard it in a long time.  "This is my desire.....to honor You."
Just one line that I read and say.....I am not sure I have been living like that.  The apathy that can crawl up into your being and put a strangle hold on you is scary.  I can almost feel the skinny fingers closing around my throat.  I pray to You, dear One......to be on guard for the quiet ways the enemy tries to silence me.  Ways that appear to be nice and polite.....yet, no one really knows who you are and who you live for.  I think I need a choir director, Lord.   will be watching for the starting cue!
I speak in the first person and the second person.  But, I speak in the name and honor of Jesus Christ. Only in You, Lord.....do I put my trust.  Amen