It is with a grateful heart, Oh Lord, that I come to You just to talk. The old song says…..”I didn’t come here, to ask You for anything….I just came to talk with You, Lord.” Very seldom…..and most probably ever…..do I pray and ask nothing of You. It’s just a blessing to be Your child and consistently need Your love and support to keep on going…..and so, dear One. I will always ask for Your help with worries and concerns
I remember so vividly when I had practically taken up residence in my Mother’s hospital room in ICU, in Lapeer, Michigan. I’d been there nearly three months. I was her warrior, I guess. Decisions had to be made. Procedures were required after she had been on the ventilator so long. A tracheotomy had to be performed…..I felt so responsible for anything that might happen to her. She had gone past the probability that she might not live….she’d only been given a 10% possibility to live through the first week. No one believed she would live after what had happened. I was in shock. I think all of us were. No one really knew what happened to her.
Finding out she had laid on the floor of her apartment for two days…..just barely conscious was like hearing it in a foreign language. Lord, I will never forget the magnitude of that catastrophic event in our lives. Never, never…..would life as we knew it would ever be the same. For her or for us.
Sometimes I wonder, Lord , how I lived through it.
Those verses that I wrote down, were my refuge then. Not being able really to form the words to say a prayer, did not seem to be something I could do.
I found myself going day to day to day on the prayers of others. For my Mother, for my family, and for myself. I remember where I was when You gave me something to hold on to…..it was so perfect. I knew it was You speaking through the scriptures to encourage me…..and my Mother. It was powerful and so exciting to believe that You, my Savior, were concerned about my emotional state and wanted to encourage me. Whatever You might have thought about me…….what You gave me is a promise I will forever hang on to. That day I went into the hospital with renewed vigor. I’d written that verse down on a little piece of paper and read it to anyone that day who would listen. Even Mom appeared to be touched by it. Let me remind You Lord……it’s in Isaiah41: 9-10. “I brought you from the ends of the earth and called you from its farthest corners. I said to you; You are my servant; I have chosen You. I have not rejected You….so do not fear, for I am with you.”
So after one, then two, and finally three months passed and it looked like my Mom’s condition had stabilized, I knew I had to make some kind of change. You knew what was coming. Most patients in ICU are not there long term. Decisions had to be made. Insurance…..how this was going to be paid for…..when and if she could be moved. This saga could go on for years. And it did.
Five years later, You took her home with You. Looking back, I wonder how I, my brothers, my husband and children walked through that time.
That beautiful scripture took my life and encased me in it. For along, long time I was sure You were punishing me for not being more respectful of her as I was growing up. I just could not understand why You allowed this to happen to her. It was awful.
I do believe You expect us to pursue our walk with You in good and bad times in our lives. Life is hard. Hopefully as I continue to live…..and live for You…..I will be the warrior for You until You take me to Heaven to be with you.
For the time I have spent writing these words…..for all that You mean to me….for the time I have to serve You… I speak only in the name of Jesus.
Amen. And amen.
