Lord, I think You already know what my concerns are…..don’t You? I consistently moan (inward sighing) because I don’t stop my tirade against myself long enough to write to You.  “My hands hurt……my fingers are stiff and sore…..I get tired of saying the same stuff over again and again”.  I am refusing to let go of my way of setting my mind, soul and body into a sense of peace I enjoy.  The incessant murmurings of the enemy of my inner refuge never seem to stop him clamoring at the door of my being.  Hmm….maybe my heart is a better choice of a word.  My soul tries to magnify the Lord and the desire to bless You with my words. Sometimes, I feel like it’s just a loud noise, a cacophony….all simply to weary me.

Earlier this week I looked up all of the lyrics to the song, “How Long Has it Been”.  John and I used to sing it when it first was published and recorded.  I take so much for granted when I try to take care of my life by myself.  There’s never a reason for it….its just simply laziness. If You don’t mind, Lord, I’d like to write down some of the words to let myself see exactly how I miss the blessing of telling You my heart thoughts.

             “How long has it been since you talked

               with the Lord…..and told Him your 

                hearts hidden secrets.  How long since 

               you prayed…..how long since you stayed 

               on your knees till the light shone through.

                How long has it been since your mind felt

                 at ease…… 

                 How long since your heart  felt no 

                burden.  Can you call him your friend…

                 how long has it been, since you knew 

                 that He cared for you.”

Of course there is more to the song as You know, Lord, but this verse sums it up for me.  It is so true.

I feel exactly that  way when I pray. The enemy lies all the time.  Why do I let him do all his posturing?  Why do I pay attention to his murmurings against me?

I know he’s going to ……and I could stop him…..why don’t I?  Help me, Jesus to stop putting

off what I know is right.  He continually kills my spirit.  He does what he does with such ease….”I need You every hour.  Every hour I need Thee.  Oh, bless me thou my Savior….I come to Thee.”

Another song that I just thought of is just a little chorus we used to sing.  “We’ve got the power, in the name of Jesus…..We’ve got the power, in the name of the Lord.  Though Satan rages, we will not be defeated…..We’ve got the power, in the name of the Lord.”

“Jesus Is the Sweetest Name I Know”, is another “old faithful”!  Lord, why do we find ourselves suffering day after day? Why? You have given us all we need.  I find myself still…..after all these years I’ve depended on You…..trying to do it myself.  Why, again?  So I can hear people say….”Wow, Corrine! You really have it all together!”

Why is that important to me?  It’s stupid!

What I want to hear at the end of my life….is…

…”Well done, thou good and faithful servant….Enter in to what I have prepared for you.”   Or something as meaningful. 

Help me to remember You want me to come to You.  That Your delight is answering my requests.  “Yes. No. Maybe.  Not yet.  No, not ever. “

I pray for that delightful peace that passes all understanding.  Forgive my righteous nature that tries to make it on my own.

I pray in the name of Jesus, my Lord.

Amen. And amen.