Starting out cold.  I think sometimes it's the best way.  I have read until I'm blue in the face and have thought of every scenario that I have the imagination to form.....and there really is nothing left but to write  out my heart thoughts to You, Lord.  Having a keyboard to do this is so unusual after all the years of a pen scratching across the pages of composition books.....sometimes, almost unintelligible.  There have been days when I have written to you as of late.....and I still wonder what I mean.  I appreciate the fact Lord, that You decipher my assessment of how I feel and take it to Your own heart and relay it to the Father.  The " groanings and utterings" at times are not easy to read, I'm sure, but Lord.....I appreciate the fact that You do.  The most touching thing for me is that You care.  You love.  You forgive.  You give strength where there is none.  You answer my heart cries.  I know.  I have often taken exception to the reality of how You answer at times.  I have to be honest before You.  I haven't liked Your response to me.  I have been broken at the solution You came up with.  But, I take my rest and reliant heart to You again and again.  And, I do that because I  know without any doubt at all that You are doing what is best.  As I surmise how "I would have done things".....I often see how my plan would not have worked at all.  The surprising events that are "out of the blue" are not  or I guess shouldn't be surprising to those of us who call You Lord.  They are not.....at least I don't believe they are.....surprises.  They are momentary events that You planned all along.  Miracles here and there that offer us hope and triumph and the knowledge that YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING.  I have in the past, accused you of the other part.  It's actually hard to write it down.  Lord....I remember.....with my face raised heavenward and a voice barely audible asking or announcing to anyone who would listen to me......."What are You doing?   What in the world are You doing?  Do You know what You have done?"  Yep.  That's me. " Mouth" should be my name.  And, Lord.....You probably thought about knocking me to the floor.  I sure needed it. But, I remember pretty well that my grief and my sorrow was  about to take me down and I know You had pity on me. You knew my heart.
  I hope and I pray that my heart thoughts will always  be more in consensus with Yours, Lord.  I am so sorry I have given You so much grief.  Thankfully, You know my heart and know I am grateful for the power of forgiveness.  It gives such peace. It provides a body with the strength to carry on....to breathe another breath...and hope for a brighter day. You truly are a miracle worker.  What You accomplish in my stubbornness and what I consider "my righteous thought process" is truly amazing.
I wish my wiring was a little different sometimes.  But, I have learned that my process in "fixing" is usually an exercise in futility.  And, yet....I continue to try. 
I believe in You, Lord.  I believe in the power of Your Word to us.  I believe the promises that You have inspired men to write to us.....and seeing in our imaginations , the great things You did as You walked among men. 
Lord, as we sang on Sunday...."I Can Only Imagine".....I asked the congregation what they thought they would do when they actually saw You.  The man I asked outright that question.....was completely undeterred at being called out during our worship time......and answered quickly......" I think I would probably be prostrate at His feet....after what He has brought me through.....and for what He has lifted me out of......".   I am not sure, Lord.  I try to imagine.  But, I think I might be on the ground too.  (You know, Lord?.....we won't get dirty on the streets of gold, will we?)  After all is said and done.....I more than likely will be prostrate....face down.....just so utterly grateful and overwhelmingly filled with praise.  You deserve the offerings of Your  people.  People that heretofore are mostly ungrateful and lazy. 
Lord, as the prayer I read yesterday from Joni Earreckson Tada's devotion said".....(just excerpts) "Release me from craving to straighten out every body's affairs.......and the habit of having something to comment about every subject in every situation....because of my 'vast store of wisdom'.....".   I could go on and on....and I know You read it with me and probably snickered at the truths in that prayer.  Lord, I am amazed at what I learn when I keep my mouth shut.  I can imagine You smiling.....and that is funny to me.  Thank You, for encouraging me to watch.....and listen.
 Would You take care of the anxieties that are of concern to me.  Fix them.  I can't.  I know, because I have tried.  You see the whole picture and I am willing but unable to make a difference. 
 Take my life and let it be a consecration set aside to work and to be the example for You that it should be.  I ask in the name of Jesus.  Amen.