Okay, Lord.  It's been too long since I posted a prayer on my blog.  I know that You know, don't You, that I've sort of been waiting for the "book" to become a reality.  I'm anxious to hold it in my hands and thank You for what You have given.  I've done it in my heart and mind......knowing that if it wasn't for the inspiration of writing to You that this has happened, it just is too much to believe.  I can do that in my heart and mind, because I have that much belief in what You can do.....and in what You allow.  I trust that all will be done to honor and glorify You when it finally is a reality!
Now, since I still wait, pressing thoughts and concerns plague me almost on a continual basis.  I talk of them to those who can give me spiritual guidance.....but, I fear that is not the answer for me.  I need to believe in the guidance that You can sustain me with.  For the incidents of my life where I have tried to do "the right thing" does not always turn out well for me.  I get too upset.  I say things that my mind has been mulling over. (That is never good.)  Lord, You better be thinking of another way to keep my thoughts silent.  Muzzling me seems to be one way.....but, I still would be making noise.  The deafening of my silence should be music to Your ears, dear One.  I cannot allow my feelings in or about any situation come out of my mouth.  Well, not unless I know You are directing the "orchestra".  I am so tired of trying to say the right thing......and then, I mess it up.  I suppose I could think of a better word, but, why should I make it look and sound better than it really is.  Mess.  It's not pretty......and,  so often, when I try to "fix" any  so-called dilemma, I quake after because of the fall out.  Jesus, even after my apologies have been made......and I grieve and sorrow over my words spoken......what can I do?  I have dealt with the "forgiveness" issue of being hurt by another....whether or not they were even aware of it.....I have dealt with it.  I have allowed Your precious Holy Spirit to lift me to a level of "no contest". I have no recourse.  I cannot usually ever forgive on my own.  I want to hurt someone as much as they have hurt me.  (I hate to say it like that.....it sounds so cruel.  Yet, it's almost a natural bent in me to want to punch someone in the jaw verbally).  I love it when I allow You to take that urge away and replace it with Your spirit filled peace.......and You do it.  It's wonderful when I can look back (think back) and can sing...."All is calm......All is bright."  But......and it seems like there always is a "but" in my prayers.......isn't there?  I wish You would tell me what to do when I am not forgiven for what has been perceived as unkind, unnecessary, or  inflammatory.   You know what, Lord?  I don't even know what the correct words are to use in this particular request.  Help me Lord to think as You would.  I do worry about what other folks think about me when they don't know all the facts.  Help me to truly NOT grieve about that part.  Help me to see things as You do.  I need to lay the sorrow to rest.  I need to allow You to give me a peace that I absolutely do not understand for this question.  Allow me once more to ask it in a different way.....(so You really understand me!  Sorry, Lord.)   "How do I move on into a quiet peacefulness after it is clear to me that I will never be forgiven for words I have spoken or written..... (perhaps for words I even thought!)?  This is my plea.  Jesus, Savior of my world.....help me see Your way.  " I need no other argument.....I need no other plea......It is enough that Jesus died......and that He died for me! "   Is it that easy, dear One?  Lead me into the truth I need to know...show me.  I am Your servant.  I need You.
All this, and more tomorrow.....I bring to You, speaking the name and will of Jesus.  Amen.