I'm always wondering, Lord.  I'm always wondering if You are listening.....ie: reading or paying attention to me.  Should I?  Shouldn't I?  Can I? Can't I?  Is this prayer worthy?  Is it just foolishness?  Am I significant?  Or....incidental?  Will anything change if I don't pray?  What are the ramifications for me and mine if I don't?  I haven't struggled very much.....should I expect some kind of fall-out for years of ease?  A complete breakdown of all I have known and loved?  Time to pack it in?  Cut my losses and run away.  Whether physically, or spiritually.....I am in a funk.  Sometimes, as I have read about Elijah and the emotional high he must have experienced  from his victory, I have thought......"You know, Lord.....that is so ridiculous....!  How could this man who just called down the fire of heaven, and witnessed the actual experience showing the mightiness of his God.....just, disintegrate all of it with his emotionless  psyche and moan about his plight? For pete sake!  What plight?  
     Oh, brother!  Lord Jesus......Yes, here I am.  Bowed low as I can be in my spirit......wondering what is next. You know the shape of my old knees. ( The last time I got down to get something underneath the bed......I thought......"Shoot!  I might as well clean while I'm down here.")  I guess You would remember my silly thoughts.  Are You smiling......or should  I keep my distance awhile longer?  Actually, Lord,  I think I have kept my distance long enough.  My constant prayer:  Should I keep posting prayers? Honestly, it is so hard to do.  I really want to quit.  I need Your guidance.  And, I will honestly pay attention to what You lead.
  Keeping Elijah in mind, though, Lord......I do understand this poor man.  I am not mincing words either.  It is a flaw inflicted on some that many folks do not understand. I found recently as I perused "my" plight to my husband....... and, when said husband started singing (in jest) "No one understands like Jesus.......He's a friend beyond compare ......Meet Him at the throne of mercy....."   I really wanted to silence him (with a punch)....even though I knew he had listened to my pleas and did understand my heart.....there it was...... once again..... the same old, same old.  I know, I know!  You saw me being formed in my mother's womb and you decided I was worthy and fit to be born.....I still and probably will always wish for something else.   I do wish I could really let that go.  Maybe it is just a choice.  I have always believed it was innate.  Whatever it is, sometimes I feel it has me by the throat......threatening to keep me quiet forever. Perhaps you have another idea.  Lord?  I think I will be quiet.  I think, since I have prayed.....I will stop talking and just wait......yes, You heard me right.  I will wait until you shove me through whatever open door You have for me.  
     So, I do pray.....whatever it is I have prayed for (and I know that within the groaning of my spirit You KNOW what that is.....) the name and purpose of Jesus Christ.
     Amen.