Dear One......This morning I come to You asking if You would be especially close to some friends of mine.  They have lost their precious wife.....mother.....friend.  No one ever is ready for this.  You can expect it......you can prepare for it.....you can talk of it, cry over the prospect, but, the word comes, and so often,  you immediately think of all you didn't do or say.  I opened a card last evening to write a "Thank You" note sent to us for our retirement.....as I looked at the signature, I saw my friend's name.  Lord, I think You know exactly how I felt.  Her personal words to us to wish us well, were thoughtful and precious.  Oh, Lord.  I wish I hadn't waited so long to write my regards.  Nothing changes that thought.  I fail over and over at this.  Yes.  I know, Lord.  My life has been a little uprooted and excuses distress me.  Judge Judy doesn't put up with them. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.  I have always aimed to temper my strengths and improve or obliterate the weaknesses. It is a job I don't particularly like to do because it is hard to do.  And, yes.....there's more.  I always told my Sunday School classes my heart.  Yes....that's right.  All of the unvarnished realities of my life.  I had told them that I'd  always prayed that You would help me to be a nice old lady.  To be honest, Lord....I have always thought that "I was" a nice lady.  Now I wonder if I am at all......even...... ever was.  That is sickening, Lord.  I hate to say it out loud to You.  Are you listening?  Or, are You tired of my moaning.  No. I am  serious, Lord......I'm not kidding.  If my mind is failing me and I need help, I want to be kind.  I think no one benefits if I am not  Christlike. So.......... I tell my girls about "the new plan" to get the other knee done.  The only response I wanted to hear was...."Oh, Mom.....Do you think you can handle this so close to the other one!"  or something like that.  No, Lord!  You heard it too.  "Now, Mom.....You have got to be nice this time."  Well....since I was under the influence of medication and not very willing to wait for attention.....I guess I was a little lippy.
Wonder how it would have gone over (?) if after a time.....I got what I wanted.....when I wanted.....and I smiled sweetly and said......"Oh, by the way, I had a book published and it has letters in it that I wrote to God......and uh......would you like to have one to read?"  And, her comment to me would be to  suggest I read my own book.....or worse.  Lord.....as You can see......I am sorry to be called out by my own kids.  I'm sorry You had to hear it. I'm sorry too, that it took me a "minute" to own it.  It allowed them to see that although I try to make You proud of me, I am a long way from being a paragon of virtue.  I'm not even sure what all that means, but, Lord.....I do want the smile of the SON on my life. Always.  Help me Jesus to be what You want me to be. This would be when I wonder if I will always be talking to You as a child.  I tend to think that if I post this prayer, I will lose all credibility. And, if I would...."I need You more."
My concern.....my hope......is that You know I do pray in the name of Jesus.....and I trust in You.  Amen.




I do have new copies of the second edition.  You can get my book by contacting me via facebook.....or you can order it on AMAZON.com.  I thank you.