"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

Monday, March 2, 2020

What in the world, Lord? I didn't see this coming....I haven't even had time to decide if I'm mad at You or not. All the time we pray....."we ask everything in Your will; and in Your way....we ask in Your name.....". I want to always cover all the bases. I don't want to leave anything to chance. And here now.....I have not really been able to breathe very well.

Was all this Your plan?

My troubled mind has been trying to find some rest. I spent every night with him in the hospital, except for one. What began as a plan to fight this terrible cancer, ended before we could gather the troops to work out another direction to go in.
We just looked at each other......not speaking.

Lord, I know that I should be more spiritual.....but, all I can think of is that secular song that voices my heart right now. "How am I supposed to live without him.....now, that I've been loving him so long...…". I know from what I have learned from watching the grieving of others through the years of our ministry.....I know You are mapping out my life, as we speak. And yes, I know.... I'm not giving You a chance to say anything.....as Judge Judy says, " I'm still Speaking"! is all I can say. Lord....for days, I've barely said anything to You.....anything but, "HELP". Everyone has lifted our names to You. And, You have lifted and Strengthened us.

In the first few weeks, our hope was to continue in ministry. but, of course to get well first. How he loved his little church the past few years. It gave him a way to get his urgency to preach again...out. And, Lord....You gave him fire and fervor and great enthusiasm.

We as the family he has left behind are still suffering and grieving. I know, dear One....I know you will help us.

Give us peace that passes all understanding. Give each of us the comfort that ONLY YOU can give.

I ask and give these words to You, hoping that You will do Your will and give us the acceptance of our tragedy, and make Your name glorified through it. In Jesus name. Amen.

2 comments:

Chrissi K.March 2, 2020 at 7:12 AM
My heart is breaking for you. Everytime I think about it I cant stop crying. The love story you two share, is the greatest love story I've ever known. People only dream for a love like the one you and Pastor share. On the flip side of this, I can remember his sermon on a sunny Sunday during lent. He was on fire!!!! (as he was most Sundays) he was preaching about his life and the moments he would attempt to slightly veer off of the path that he felt God wanted him to walk (his idea of being a rebel and most are very different lol) and he shared that his parents were such nurturing Godly parents that kept him on that path and knew what he was up to. He suddenly got very emotional when speaking about them and how great that day will be when God calls him home and he is reunited with them.
I felt the Holy Spirit and every emotion through his sermons. He was a faithful shepherd to his flock and sincerely loved my family. For that, I will never ever forget him. I am consumed with heartache and guilt. His dedication and excitement for preaching the word of God is what led me to Jesus Christ. My sister prays for all of us to know Him and to be saved but Pastor Davis had me hook, line and sinker with his message. I pray to find someone who is on fire for Jesus like Pastor. My guilt comes from backsliding in my faith. I try to live and practice Christianity but I have fell short on worship and giving the glory to where it belongs. Now I know Pastor will see everything and I need do what I am responsible for, I need to find a place to worship and discipline myself because Pastor only wanted that for his flock. He wanted us to give praise to Jesus and to spread the word.
I have prayed out loud for your comfort. As my sister says "Well good! God listens to the sinner first - he hears you." LOL. But honestly, I pray that you're not to hard on God, he just couldnt wait any longer - hes been waiting for someone like Pastor to be on his team for a long time I bet. It's like a good sports star that a scout has his eye on and they are waiting and waiting and watching for the right moment to draft him. I can only imagine what he sees and the special place God has prepared for him.
Ok I'm babbling - I love you. I pray you and your children find comfort in knowing he's in the kingdom and that your pain is eased with time.
Big hugs to you! Love, Chrissi
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TimelessladyMarch 6, 2020 at 4:20 PM
Aunt Corrine, How can I let go of one of my 'forever' people. One of only a handful still left who have been in my heart and life since my birth. I don't have the words I want...but I do have love...love for you both...forever. Kathy
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Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

My Life Verse

Monday, March 2, 2020

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