Conquering the Monsters....(in my closet)!

Lord, this has been a week when I'd have rather been a bear in hibernation mode. I wonder, is it better to wake up to a lot of sadness....or deal with it on an hourly basis.? I know that being
your child does not warrant us a life without sorrows or disappointments. It is living that allows
us these....along with the wonder of a newborn, and the life in Christ that frees us from the worry
of "how it all will end".
Friends of ours lost their beloved grandson this week. To even talk about how it happened, is an exercise in choosing to speak carefully chosen words for fear that if we say the wrong thing...our lives could be changed in such a way. Lord, I have always found solace in telling You exactly how I feel when sadness ensues. Taking the monster out of the closet and facing a terrible thought somehow puts my mind at rest...and with a sense of peace , helps us to face the day knowing that at any time our lives could change, often in a way we don't want it to. Lord, I won't forget how "normal" changed for me when mom had her stroke.
My whole being was thrown into a survival mode mentality, with me at the helm, so to speak.
My position had been changed from private to general. I was in charge....but with the vague
sense in reality, I was in charge of nothing. You were. The choices were minimal and with little
change in results.
Lord, somehow......in Your divineness.....show me the choices that will take my life into the areas I will shine for You. If I am able to teach, I want to teach in the knowlege of Your Holy Spirit. If I am able to play, help me to play as if You and only You were in the room....not to please men....but You, Jesus. If I am to cook, I pray I will cook with every ounce of energy I have to please the taste buds that will savor what I prepare. (What would You like to eat today, Lord?) And, then Lord.....when the day comes, that the good I can do is to sit in a chair
or lay on a bed, would You help me to do that with every ounce of the "Jesus personality" I can
muster. I want so desperately, not to defame the Name of Jesus in my behavior as an old
woman. I don't want to say words to those that love and care for me that will hurt them. I don't
want people to laugh at the things I say, thinking, " Ummm....must be all that frustration coming
out from all the years she served the Lord......" . I do not find that to be entertaining or funny
in any way. I feel it doesn't serve You well. If You can keep us and mold us and answer our
requests to make us a good christian person in our sane days.....can't You do that for me when
I am not "responsible" for what comes out of my mouth. As You can see, Lord....I have thought
a lot about this. I've never really talked to You about it , though....except for saying at times....
"Please help me be a nice old lady." Monsters exist in our closets only because we refuse to
let them out and face us. Lord, You can conquer any that I have conjured up. I know that the
realities of life come into our lives and take us to another level in our spiritual life. Any that
could take me to my knees, I pray right now for You to quickly pull me to Yourself. I will stay
there, close to You, until I can breathe and walk on my own. Where all of this comes from, only
You know Lord. I am often afraid to even write what I feel to You when we're alone. With
someone peeking over my shoulder, Father....I cringe a little to say all of this out loud. Take my
heart thoughts, my anxious fears, and my complete trust in You....translate and talk to Your
Father. Give me grace and peace in the midst of any storm I may encounter. I ask all of this in
the name of Jesus. I pray to You and You alone. Amen.