WORDS: YOURS. MINE. OUR'S.

I'm not sure what to say, Lord. I am overwhelmed with the things You do. Over time, I see that
so many have looked at You, thrown up their hands in exasperation and questioned...." What in
the world are You thinking?". Dear God in heaven.....there have been times when I sincerely
thought about throwing in the towel. (spiritually speaking) Lord I am still in that number at
times. I guess it should make me sad when I think that way.....and then, Lord.....I realize that
being human is just that. Being human. I call on You. I beg of You fairly often. I breathe in
the essence of being closer than a hair's breadth.....but, I know that essentially I can only strive
for the perfection You ask of us and deal with the fact that I will have to continue that my whole lifetime. You Lord, know that what I think and feel is not always "God-like". Even on my
best days.....I can fall into that mode of disagreement with most of what I entertain that day. It's perhaps in the car, behind someone who is not paying enough attention to what they're doing or interaction with a sales lady or cashier, or just a conversation with someone that is
a bit contentious to me. My reactions are not always what may be pleasing to you. I am so
conscious, so often, that my usual mode of operation was to overlook a tone, an unkind word,
or an issue I chose to not confront. As the years crept by....I saw that I would get tired of never speaking "my mind". I also saw that when I did (speak my mind) it was not received
with "great joy". Lord, I also saw that the occasions when I did let my thoughts be known, and
it was not received well, I was miserable. I was very often compelled to apologize for my "need" to speak and choice of words. I can honestly say Lord, that I still struggle with the
notion that since I am 66 years old, have lived for You a long time, carried around a bundle
of guilt for this and that (even breathing!) at times and wonder if it's just better that I keep
my thoughts to myself and use You as my sounding board as I have for years. Honestly, Lord,
You have "aright-ed" me on many, many occasions
offering an opinion (if I had one), because of someone looking at me "funny". Lord, that's one
thing I have wondered about many times. I love being able to depend on You to help me be a
mouthpiece for You. I want so very much to NOT offend any of Your children by my words.
Even when I THINK I am "helping them".....help me "SOS" quickly to You for Your approval.
You have a way of stopping me......like taking the next thought or word completely away from
me. HeeHee! You do it Sunday School class quite often! And, it used to annoy me, scare me,
etcettera. But, now or atleast 'til I am diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I am going to figure You are
just trying to "save" me from myself! Lord, there are days I write You and jump from subject
to subject, knowing You know exactly where I'm going. It is such a relief to me to know that
You do. And, I also depend on You to give me what I need for the day. You know where I'm
going to be today...You know if I shop.....whether I really NEED what I buy....You also know
where I could find myself in a conversation....thinking...."Should I just go ahead and say it?" or
keep my mouth shut! All of these things could be in this day. And, Lord....it is a day to rejoice
in You and thank You for. We are in one of our favorite places....looking out on an unending
ocean....in fairly gorgeous weather for February. Thank You for allowing us this respite. And,
thank You for the gift of eternal life. Thank You for the salvation You provide. Thank You for
answers to prayers I didn't even pray. Thank You too, for answers I did not want to happen.
Thank You that You have allowed me to live through it all.
"I love You, Lord. And, lift my voice to worship You. Take joy my King.....in what You hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound....in Your ear."
For each word....and request....I speak all in the name and power of Jesus Christ. Amen.