Lord.....Could You tell me why this is so hard, anymore?  I am always trying to fit in "one more thing" before I begin my prayer.  It never fails....cleaning the floor, washing a load of clothes, catching up on "Words With Friends", and today......getting a suitcase and all my paraphernalia ready to go away.....all of it seems so important.  Granted, I can write another day.  I can always write another day or another time of the day.  But, when I begin to write, I detest stopping.  That is another problem.  I always think satan is trying to get the better of me....and I am always trying to prove to him that I am determined to do what I feel YOU want me to.  Around and around I go.  I spoke to a new Christian yesterday who is trying to "make" it with all of his anxieties and addictions going against him.  He feels if he can make it another week or so......he'll be free and clear.  Jeepers, Lord.....I've been Your child forever, and I still feel like satan is trying to get the best of me.  Lord.....I didn't argue or try to discourage his plan to serve You...... I just let it go.  Every time I find myself mentoring someone, I think I say too much.  I try to warn them about the evils of this world and how I think satan uses our past and our present to discourage us (them) from moving forward.  Lord, only You can make us into the image of Yourself that You need us to be.  You help us serve You in the presence of our enemies.  And, I would assume that an enemy to us.....to me.....or to anyone reading this......that it would be one that urges us to make choices that deter with God's plan.  Choices that involve going against the Word of God,  the will of God, or the essence of God.

I read this week about Suzanna Wesley.  A devout woman of God, a mother that no doubt was the apple of Your eye.  Her ten children knew without any speculation that their mother was sent by God to be raised into men and women that would serve Him one day.  Since I have not educated myself on her life....I know that one son, preached and taught thousands of people to serve and love God....to believe in the trinity and to witness the Spirit of God lifting him to a higher level of spirituality than he had ever known.  I know too, that another son wrote pieces of music that would be sung in the churches throughout centuries.  Hymns that would not only ensure the doctrines and disciplines of holy living , but , encourage and raise our voices and hearts to the heavens.  I really know little else about this mother and her ability to connect to YOU, Lord.   Trying not to be a little envious of her closeness to You,  I found it so touching that when she felt the walls of her own home and children's voices  closing in on her and drowning out the sound of Your voice or Your word to her......she would literally throw her apron over her head to shut out the chaos.  I would imagine Lord, that when the family noticed......they would quiet down.....quickly.  I do love knowing that her heart and mind were like the other women you created.  We do the best we can...with what we have.....for as long as we can ......with your guidance.  

 I continue to feel, dear One.....and assume that if I do not determine to keep my walk with You close at hand.....in my mind's eye......satan will interject himself.
It's what he does.  That is his job.  Why do people not believe that?
Or.....if they do.....seem to walk so close to the line of  "no communication" with You.  I have done it.  Walked that line.....thinking, "I have no time right now.....".  Lord Jesus.....I cannot afford to be so obtuse.  I need to sound like the father of the sick and dying child that You spoke to in Mark 6:34.  You asked him if he believed that He (Jesus) could raise up the boy.  The man said "Yes!  Yes!  I believe!".  And, then immediately afterwards said ...."Lord, help thou my unbelief!"  Oh, dear One.....I believe.  I surely do believe.  But.....You really need to help the part of me that doesn't "believe".  I hate to even say it.....but, that is the truth of how so many think.  We Believe.  Sometimes.

Help us, Jesus.  Help us to never doubt what You have said to us.
Help us to draw ourselves so close to You that no one can see the difference.  Help us to believe that even if we were the only one living to be saved.....You would go through the agony.  (I have to admit, Lord.....this one seems impossible.)  Help me believe it.  The impossibilities are endless.  The words of the scripture are given to us to be believed.  I believe them, Father.  Help me to believe.

In the name of Jesus I pray....AMEN......and AMEN.