"Seems like all I could see was the struggle.....", the song starts.  Nearly three hours ago, Lord.....I opened my computer to write.  Games, Facebook, Advertisements, G-Mail.....all came up with no problem.  Until I clicked on the blogsite to "create new post"......and nothing would work.....I knew that again, I would have to struggle to write You a letter.......and post it.  Yes, that particular word , "post" or  "publish".  That seems to be the key word.  The enemy will not win.  I guarantee it.

Father, I do weary of the struggle.  Why, when I have told the enemy over and over, laid all of my burdens  at Your feet and feel a sense of real peace......WHY, does he still (the enemy) make my attempts to talk to You so difficult.  "My" prayer (?) causes him that much trouble?  I think he must be desperate.

Could You show me what is important to concentrate on today.  I want to be Your disciple today.....whether it is for my benefit.....or someone else's.  You know what I need to do....You know what I want to do......and You know the importance of both.  How it all gets done is up to You.  To be honest, Lord.....this couch feels pretty good right now.  I've been up awhile.....after I've finished my devotions and watched the morning news and the etcettera's that go with it......I usually  need a nap!  But, today seems a little different.  A little detached.  I've stopped to go get the phone.  I've stopped to make my husband a nice breakfast (which he usually never asks for...)  and then, another stop to get dressed in case someone knocks on the door.  "So.....here I am to worship.....here I am to bow down....here I am to say that You're my Lord.....You're altogether lovely ......altogether worthy......wonderful to me......".   "I love You, Lord......and I lift my voice.....to worship You.....Oh, my soul.....rejoice.....take joy, my King.....in what You hear.....may  it be a sweet, simple sound.....in Your ear." . Song after song, verse after verse, resonate with the sound of Your presence filling the air.  I love to hear it.  "There is a name I love to hear......I love to sing it's worth.....It sounds like music in my ear.....the sweetest name on earth."

I wanted to talk to You, Lord, about that devotional I read this week.  I read so many....about so many different areas of our lives.....I sometimes forget.  But, I wrote this down.  Joni's devotionals speak to me almost as much as me praying them.  Sometimes.  Sometimes, I click "delete" because  I just don't get it.  I used to get so upset about that.  And, now I think I understand.  When I am "older" and "wiser", You will give me stronger medicine.  I love that You understand me so well and give me what I can handle.  Anyway, Lord.....I saw the one about physical and emotional pain.  The differences and which one is the hardest to manage.  I realize, Lord, that the subject can't really be dealt with until you are in the thick of it.  And, then, afterwards to analyze your feelings. I realize too, Lord, that just because it is in black and white on a printed page, doesn't make it true for you.  I praise You for the battles that this woman has fought and won.  Because of them and her devotion to You, she is a light for many, many Christian's to follow.  Her battles to fight and win over her paralysis, and depression, and loneliness, and surgeries, illnesses and sores that plague her......well, Lord......it should encourage anyone who tastes just a little bit of the suffering she has gone through. In her plight to manage real pain, the gnashing of teeth kind......versus the emotional and mental anguish or heartache; she has compartmentalized them into two separate issues.  I understand....I think.  I've never encountered the long, drawn out and exhausting pain some suffer.  Only in childbirth.  To suffer long term, day after day, 24/7, is something I know nothing about.  But, Lord, the emotional anguish and heartbreak....I and many others, can empathize with.  I quote from her devotional....."but the suffering that takes place inside is another matter.  You can't put mental anguish or heartache behind you.  Those hurts create an energy of emptiness that refuses to pushed or crowded out of your thoughts.  It gnaws away at the inner core of your being.  It bites.  It grinds away at your sanity."

Lord.....I have felt this.  I understand this.  And, I think a good share of people have.  To have a place to put ourselves when we feel this kind of pain....I feel is a matter of life and death.  Lord, if it is only Your lap that I can crawl up onto; and hug Your neck;  or just wait for You to wrap Your arms around me.....then, that's where I want to be.  To disappear into You, until You feel I am strong enough to walk on my own.  That is the place where I have been.....and You have done that for me.  And, I praise You.  I thank You that I have never felt like You have pushed me away and scolded me because I'm too old for this kind of behavior now.  I thank You, Lord.  I thank You.

You are my God.  I worship and adore Your name.  I ask and speak of all that concerns me....in the name of Jesus Christ.....son of the living God.  Amen.