I know it, Lord........every time, I am almost positive You are tugging at my arm.....(or the back of my neck).....to sit down and write to You.  Oh my word, Lord.....today I feel as if I will burst.  I have to tell You how I feel. And, why I feel that way.  And, what You can do for me when nothing changes.....IF.......nothing changes.  John and I are just about at the end of our time in the pastorate.  It is a place that I was always pretty comfortable with.  I always knew that I would be a Pastor's wife.  I always knew that people would be watching......judging......comparing......gossiping......just to name a few words that describe my chosen profession.  Along with You....since I was born a child of the pastorate.....I knew what was coming.  I have found, dear One......that even though the road can be difficult, I have always found comfort in the fact that You chose me to fulfill this place.  Thank You for allowing the Pastor You chose, too.....to have the girl he wanted in his life.  It was, all You.  I thank You and praise You for the journey You prepared for us right from the beginning.  I remember each and every place.  I remember...."the call".  I remember the day of the "move".....and all of the "imagined" worries and how You allayed all of those fears.  I remember the girls, still not teenagers yet.....wondering if the next place we would move, would have "Cocoa Puffs" at the grocery store.  (Lord, I am wondering if the next place we move will have "my" version of "Cocoa Puffs."  )   And, of course, You know exactly what I mean!
As we leave here.....I wonder..... "Have I Done My Best for Jesus?"  So many of my questions when we came......still have not been answered.  So many answers to the "issues" people struggle with....well, honestly Lord......I really thought with a few verses of scripture.....wagging of a finger......and Your divine touch......I honestly thought, Lord.....that would be the winning ticket in this race we are in.  It hasn't been.  People are stubborn.  They don't want to be construed in any way as "wrong".  They want their way to do things.....to be everybody's way to do things.  If not.....it's "Hit the road, Jack......and don'cha come back no more, no more.....!"  Father in heaven......I have seen people come.  I have seen people go.  I have seen people come back.......and I have seen people leave again.  I wish......Oh, Lord....how I wish we could have made people happy enough to stay and fight for the church and the havoc that Satan presents on a regular basis.  It is through "Your people", Lord....they (and they don't seem to ingest this information) are the ones that grow a church.  Lord,  I know that folks really believe the opposite is true.  If people engage each other.....love each other as they love themselves......it is a combination that can't lose.  I remember so clearly how my own preacher father felt at a loss....at what to do with people.  He felt incompetent, the later years of his ministry, because of how he was treated not only by the Church but by the people who claim to love You.  Lord.....I grieved over that issue so long.  I blamed You.  I had to blame someone, I thought.  The fault?  I don't even know any more.  It doesn't matter.  I do know that he fulfilled his call to You, dear One.  He was faithful to Your calling for him.  As I peruse the corners of my mind to be mindful of my job and how I performed it......I feel clear.  Lord, I will not let the enemy of our souls win this one.  He can kiss my foot.  It's closest to him......since he's down there with the sneaky snakes of the world.......I am sorry to be so hateful......but, that is one created being that deserves to be despised.  
I remember, so vividly, that thinking that the whole job should be pretty easy.  If folks would just believe that You provide the POWER  to save us........and that You provide the POWER to let us be "forgivers"......and that You provide the POWER to help us choose love to envelope people who come to us that we really don't care too much for. (Oooo....It's often true.....but, not said aloud!)
I don't believe that they REALLY believe You Can Do That For Us!!  I was amazed when I tried forgiving with "Your power".  No diet.  No pain.  Just, a choice. It honestly was the easiest thing I had ever done.  And, Lord....I had suffered with that "They're jerks!  I can't stand them.  Forgive them?  For what?  I AM NOT THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO FORGIVE!!  Didn't You hear me, Lord?  They are jerks!"  Yeah......that's some of my side of the dialog You and I had, Lord!  I'm sure You remember.  I wasn't even sure I meant what I was saying to You.  I just believed that "IF I SAID THE WORDS.....YOU WOULD PROVIDE THE POWER!!  I know You remember the outcome.  And, my relief!!  I literally felt a weight lift off of me.  It was real.  Sooo, Lord...... I just assumed that EVERYBODY would be tickled pink to add this to their list of accomplishments (spiritually speaking).  And, to my amazement.....very few even want to entertain the idea that "they" should forgive.  They don't want it this way. They don't want to forgive.  They want to keep it going  forever, it seems.  Oh Lord.  What will it take?  When will You move?  Will it hurt?  Father, for Your will to be done......and us to walk up to the gate.....and for us to be ushered into Your presence......something has to change.  Excuses will not be an option.
Your way, Lord......and Your will.  I ask in Jesus name......amen.

I'm home now.  I'm sitting on my couch......it is a very comfortable couch.  I am about to write......for the third time......a prayer that will post.  This is the third one.  I, of course, think that You do not want everyone to know my business.  I like to share, Lord.  I like for people to know that even though we have flaws that always seem to plague us ( and those around us)......and even though we pray and believe......and that even though we are still pretty raggedy Christians.......we depend on You to save us. I've needed to write for so long.  It's probably why I have felt a little "set aside" by You.  And, of course, it is always my fault. I truly know that.   After a daughter said to me yesterday as we were driving home to Delaware....."What do You mean, you haven't prayed about it!?"  I began to back peddle a bit.  As I began to think of the reasons why I haven't really spent any time in intercessory prayer about this "move"......I thought, "Jeepers, creepers!  I'm an idiot!"  I said to myself.....Uh, I guess one reason is John and the kids are praying.  He has always made the big decisions on "When it's time to move and  where we will move to."  I felt it was always "His and God's business".  I mostly had to get my heart and mind to agree. As for our children,  I also figured that their prayers would be really sincerely prayed......otherwise we'd be visiting them two or three months out of the year......eating their food, watching their tv, calling on their phone, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  I figure I'm pretty funny, Lord.  I just crack myself up.  Actually, dear One, I'm a little ashamed she had to snap the reins a bit.  Here I am.  Just published "My Letters to God" and walk around like this big prayer warrior for You......and I haven't prayed about this huge move we are about to make.  Yes.....I have SOS'ed some prayers.....I've asked others to pray......I've dreamed some prayers....but, haven't actually thought about saying....."Lord, I'd like to have a certain kind of house in Timbuktu, USA and I'd like to have this and this and this in it..... and....... surrounding it.  Forgive me, Lord for this unrealistic approach to this seemingly huge dilemma.  Help me to pray the right words.  Words that a man may not understand but YOU do.  The sounds that express what I want.....or think I want......and the needs that have to be met. I need for the "rivers in the desert" mantra.....and the "roadways in the wilderness" to be as plain to John and I as we have ever known before.  We are Your servants.  You chose us.  You have given us more than we could ever dream.  And.....we are blessed to be called Your children.  I am still at Your mercy, Lord.  I depend on You to give us what You deem necessary.  I want to know that  what You have done and where You have placed us is in Your plan.  When I am placing the silverware in the drawer of my "new" kitchen and making the bed for the first night in our "new " home, that You are in control.  You know what the weather will be like.  You will know how far away the closest "Walmart" is.  I believe in You, Lord.  I trust You.  Many times when we were getting ready to make a move, I would find myself singing or quoting the song that my Grandma Candel would have me play for her all the time.  I was just a little kid, nine or ten, I guess. I'd play and she'd sing..... "I'll go where You want me to go, dear Lord......over mountain, or plain, or sea........I'll say what You want me to say, dear Lord.....I'll be what You want me to be."   There it is, Lord.  That.....I think is the most important prayer I could pray.  Before I started writing this prayer today.....I read from Joshua 2:1.  In "MY" version of the scripture, it says......."Now then, you and yours.....get ready to cross the Jordan river into the land I am about to give you." 
Now, in all I have said, asked and given You to think about, Lord.....I do it all in the name of Jesus.....and always, Your will.  Amen.



For those of you who might be interested in purchasing "My Letters to God"  you can access the publishers website:  www.hopefreelancing.com  and click on "store" and it will take you through the buying process.......or go to AMAZON.com and do the same.  Remarkably, when you put the letters "S.Corrine Davis" in or "My Letters to God"......it comes up.  I look at it all the time.  After I bought about 10 copies to send to myself, I finally quit.  (No, I didn"t!) I still cannot believe it.  Thank you so much.

                    

Just a heads-up friends.......This is a long one!                   

Lord.....I wish I could explain how I feel.  I know that You know.  I'd just love to be able to put it into words.  I. I. I.  That's seems to be all I ever talk about.  Do You get annoyed with it?  Jeepers.....I'd like to think that You don't.  Mainly because I can't do this with people.  No one wants to listen as long as I can drone on.....not really.  I do wish, Lord.....at my age, I still wasn't so concerned about how "I" am viewed by others.  Why is that?  Help me, Jesus, to be the example for You that you expected all along that I could be.  And, then.....help me to be contented with that.  
I think of all the years I have written to You with a pen and paper.  I know by the way "other's" react when they hear it.....especially gentlemen.  Even women. (They are a little kinder!)  I remember precisely when I bought a really pretty lavender writing pen.  The tip was fine and the ink was black.....(my favorite) and a lavender and white  composition book.  It was all very feminine and pretty.  The reason I decided to give  it to her, was for her to put her thoughts and/or prayers down on paper to give herself an outlet.
She had just found out her husband of half a century had been unfaithful to her......and the worst part of it was, it  couldn't be shoved under a rug anymore.  It was worthy of prison time.  All of her dreams and hopes for a continued happy life were smashed.  Lord, I remember her first words to me......"Don't cry for me if you hear I have died because there are things that are worse than death."  O dear Jesus......Savior of all of us......why do these horrible events ever have to happen?  Why do Your people have to experience some of the most horrendous experiences one can't even imagine.  I remember reading, "Dorie.  The Girl Nobody Loved" by Dorie Van Stone.  After I read that book, I remember walking into my laundry room, doing the wash, and actually being so disgusted with You.  I said aloud to You, as I rammed clothes into the dryer...."Why in the world didn't You rescue her, Lord?  Why did You allow her to have to live so alone......and in such degradation?
I don't understand.  I hate it for her.  I am sick because You allowed this."  And, on and on I went.....talking to You like You couldn't pound me into the ground with one look.  I remember that You ignored my insolence and answered me pretty quickly.  I didn't like the answer much, but accepted it.  Where it came from, I cannot remember.  But, I  KNEW  IT  WAS  FROM  YOU!!!  No doubts.  Even though I think it is the hardest thing to overcome from both sides of the spectrum.....There has to be SOMEBODY that can show SOMEBODY else how horrible things can and are overcome by belief in You and what YOU can do in a life of someone so terribly abused.  Sometimes mere words in a book will not work....whether they are Your words or not.  People have to see a story that relates to them, personally. Sometimes it clicks for them and then; regrettably, sometimes it doesn't.  I wish, Dear Lord, I had learned all the lessons You have tried to teach me the first time.  I do, though, appreciate the fact that You kept bringing "my issue" back to me therein allowing me the privilege of having peace in my own soul.  I know, I can be stubborn.  And, it seems I always have to have a picture drawn for me.  I guess what amazes me is that You take time to let that happen for me.  I thank You, Lord.....for being aware all the time of how I learn.....and being so gracious in the waiting.  
As I stated, a long while back.....I thought my gift would be received with a sigh of relief.  It was received with.....almost a question mark? and "Why would you give me this?" look.  As far as I know.....she never wrote a word of her saga in that book.
  It was used for the various things a person does in a day.....or needs at the store.  It doesn't matter, Jesus. She had You, and still does.  You understand the cries of a servant......even when I don't understand all of the reasons why or why not!!
Lord.....I know that no one understands like You do.  I believe it.  I believe.  And, Lord, for future intent.....I believe it most of the time.  There are days I don't feel alone.  There are days I feel the enemy is running the show of my life.  Those are the days I will cling to the old rugged cross for dear life.....because, with You, it is.  
'Jesus, lover of my soul....let me to thy bosom fly'.....because that is where I get the most restful sleep.  In  Your name I pray this prayer.  Amen.

This is a day I have hoped for ........well, probably for a little over a  year now.  You know me so well, Lord.  After I finally make a decision......I like to see an end result or a plan to make it so, pretty quickly. Whether it's wallpapering a room.....redecorating an area in our home that I have disliked for a long time, or buying something I've wanted.  I like instant results.  In the day of our computer technologies, the events are loaded and downloaded make things quite often done in hours .....even minutes.  Ordering a meal, being served, eating it and leaving the establishment is often done within one hour.  Even quicker at a fast-food restaurant.  Having to wait for days......being put off.......for various and sundry reasons.....trying to be patient .....is not what I do well. Perhaps, no one really does.  Yet, often we have to fake being calm and serene through it all.  I guess it is the thing You would have me do.  It is a wonderful thing when you make a decision to give us surprises.  Some people enjoy a new child.....or a car they have wanted.....or a letter or phone call giving an answer they  have long prayed for.  For me, Lord......I now am the recipient of a book that has my name on the cover.  It is literally unreal to me that this is a reality.  The pages bare my heart thoughts.  The prayers are from my heart to Yours, Lord.  I am wondering as usual if I have done the right thing.....but, I will leave it with You.  There's been more than one time, I was sure You were doing the leading and the directing.  I found later, after a time, that I wasn't so sure at all.  Lord, all I know is it seemed like it was being orchestrated by You, dear One.  I pray and ask with all sincerity that You would give this book the review that it deserves.  It's all about Your name and Your glory.  It's all about the fact that You, Lord, listen to the cries of our hearts.  You decipher our feelings into words that can be understood to the point of reference that we can understand.  There are so many times I start talking to You.....just throwing words around trying to see how I really am feeling.....and You turn it into a prayer.  I cannot continue (and won't)to try to figure out what it is I want anymore.....or think I need.  I do confess I love knowing what is going to happen.....and what I think I will do about it.  And yet, there is a part of not knowing that I find so exciting.  Lord, I pray that You would continue to be patient when I struggle with this.  I tend to struggle especially when friends and family query me about things I  want to leave with You......and the resultant comments that sometimes come leave me feeling a little prickly.  I know I have given You permission to run the show of my life.  I have confidence that You will do what is best for me and mine.  I guess, too, I have another concern.  Take it and bear it for me.  I am looked at often, as a little juvenile.  Taking my little prayers to You....whining and complaining as I write.  I can't apologize for what I feel is my right to do.  Leaving You to the messes I make and the trouble I can stir up is not fair......but, it is what You do best.  I praise You for that.  I thank You for that.  And.....I sure do love You......knowing that I am Your child.  You are my strong tower.
I ask and speak all in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

To order a book or download on Kindle.....
www.hopefreelancing.com    Click on "store"  and it will take you through the process.

AMAZON.COM     Type in "S.Corrine Davis" and it will come up and take you through the process.  or.... "My Letters to God" .

I'm always wondering, Lord.  I'm always wondering if You are listening.....ie: reading or paying attention to me.  Should I?  Shouldn't I?  Can I? Can't I?  Is this prayer worthy?  Is it just foolishness?  Am I significant?  Or....incidental?  Will anything change if I don't pray?  What are the ramifications for me and mine if I don't?  I haven't struggled very much.....should I expect some kind of fall-out for years of ease?  A complete breakdown of all I have known and loved?  Time to pack it in?  Cut my losses and run away.  Whether physically, or spiritually.....I am in a funk.  Sometimes, as I have read about Elijah and the emotional high he must have experienced  from his victory, I have thought......"You know, Lord.....that is so ridiculous....!  How could this man who just called down the fire of heaven, and witnessed the actual experience showing the mightiness of his God.....just, disintegrate all of it with his emotionless  psyche and moan about his plight? For pete sake!  What plight?  
     Oh, brother!  Lord Jesus......Yes, here I am.  Bowed low as I can be in my spirit......wondering what is next. You know the shape of my old knees. ( The last time I got down to get something underneath the bed......I thought......"Shoot!  I might as well clean while I'm down here.")  I guess You would remember my silly thoughts.  Are You smiling......or should  I keep my distance awhile longer?  Actually, Lord,  I think I have kept my distance long enough.  My constant prayer:  Should I keep posting prayers? Honestly, it is so hard to do.  I really want to quit.  I need Your guidance.  And, I will honestly pay attention to what You lead.
  Keeping Elijah in mind, though, Lord......I do understand this poor man.  I am not mincing words either.  It is a flaw inflicted on some that many folks do not understand. I found recently as I perused "my" plight to my husband....... and, when said husband started singing (in jest) "No one understands like Jesus.......He's a friend beyond compare ......Meet Him at the throne of mercy....."   I really wanted to silence him (with a punch)....even though I knew he had listened to my pleas and did understand my heart.....there it was...... once again..... the same old, same old.  I know, I know!  You saw me being formed in my mother's womb and you decided I was worthy and fit to be born.....I still and probably will always wish for something else.   I do wish I could really let that go.  Maybe it is just a choice.  I have always believed it was innate.  Whatever it is, sometimes I feel it has me by the throat......threatening to keep me quiet forever. Perhaps you have another idea.  Lord?  I think I will be quiet.  I think, since I have prayed.....I will stop talking and just wait......yes, You heard me right.  I will wait until you shove me through whatever open door You have for me.  
     So, I do pray.....whatever it is I have prayed for (and I know that within the groaning of my spirit You KNOW what that is.....) the name and purpose of Jesus Christ.
     Amen.

Okay, Lord.  It's been too long since I posted a prayer on my blog.  I know that You know, don't You, that I've sort of been waiting for the "book" to become a reality.  I'm anxious to hold it in my hands and thank You for what You have given.  I've done it in my heart and mind......knowing that if it wasn't for the inspiration of writing to You that this has happened, it just is too much to believe.  I can do that in my heart and mind, because I have that much belief in what You can do.....and in what You allow.  I trust that all will be done to honor and glorify You when it finally is a reality!
Now, since I still wait, pressing thoughts and concerns plague me almost on a continual basis.  I talk of them to those who can give me spiritual guidance.....but, I fear that is not the answer for me.  I need to believe in the guidance that You can sustain me with.  For the incidents of my life where I have tried to do "the right thing" does not always turn out well for me.  I get too upset.  I say things that my mind has been mulling over. (That is never good.)  Lord, You better be thinking of another way to keep my thoughts silent.  Muzzling me seems to be one way.....but, I still would be making noise.  The deafening of my silence should be music to Your ears, dear One.  I cannot allow my feelings in or about any situation come out of my mouth.  Well, not unless I know You are directing the "orchestra".  I am so tired of trying to say the right thing......and then, I mess it up.  I suppose I could think of a better word, but, why should I make it look and sound better than it really is.  Mess.  It's not pretty......and,  so often, when I try to "fix" any  so-called dilemma, I quake after because of the fall out.  Jesus, even after my apologies have been made......and I grieve and sorrow over my words spoken......what can I do?  I have dealt with the "forgiveness" issue of being hurt by another....whether or not they were even aware of it.....I have dealt with it.  I have allowed Your precious Holy Spirit to lift me to a level of "no contest". I have no recourse.  I cannot usually ever forgive on my own.  I want to hurt someone as much as they have hurt me.  (I hate to say it like that.....it sounds so cruel.  Yet, it's almost a natural bent in me to want to punch someone in the jaw verbally).  I love it when I allow You to take that urge away and replace it with Your spirit filled peace.......and You do it.  It's wonderful when I can look back (think back) and can sing...."All is calm......All is bright."  But......and it seems like there always is a "but" in my prayers.......isn't there?  I wish You would tell me what to do when I am not forgiven for what has been perceived as unkind, unnecessary, or  inflammatory.   You know what, Lord?  I don't even know what the correct words are to use in this particular request.  Help me Lord to think as You would.  I do worry about what other folks think about me when they don't know all the facts.  Help me to truly NOT grieve about that part.  Help me to see things as You do.  I need to lay the sorrow to rest.  I need to allow You to give me a peace that I absolutely do not understand for this question.  Allow me once more to ask it in a different way.....(so You really understand me!  Sorry, Lord.)   "How do I move on into a quiet peacefulness after it is clear to me that I will never be forgiven for words I have spoken or written..... (perhaps for words I even thought!)?  This is my plea.  Jesus, Savior of my world.....help me see Your way.  " I need no other argument.....I need no other plea......It is enough that Jesus died......and that He died for me! "   Is it that easy, dear One?  Lead me into the truth I need to know...show me.  I am Your servant.  I need You.
All this, and more tomorrow.....I bring to You, speaking the name and will of Jesus.  Amen.