New Plan: Onward and Upward!

Okay....so, Lord....here I am, finally.....dragging myself mentally to the couch to
write some thoughts to You. I've read in the last few days so many articles and devotionals to
the subject of "turning things around", "making changes", "losing those pounds", "getting rid of
stuff"....'til I am nauseous. And, of course, that is because I need to do a lot of these things. Lord, how many times have I come to You about my weight? How many times have I talked to
You about getting rid of stuff I keep for future use? How often do I talk to You about changing
areas of my personal life that annoy me? Okay! Okay! I know. WAY TOO OFTEN!! The only
solution to the problems I encounter is to make a plan....and then, stick to it. Yesterday, I read
a "Proverbs 31 Ministries" devotional and thought to myself....these women are just like the
rest of us. Why don't I just stop obsessing about why I don't carry through a plan and just be
cognizant that it is human nature to fail on occasion and that the best thing to do when you do....
is pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. (Hmmm....seems like I've heard
that before! Lord, I am not a lazy, good-for-nothing senior citizen. I am a forgiven, beloved
child of God....senior citizen not withstanding....and I am worth something to You. In that article
I read yesterday, the author discussed the fact that it's good to do some self-assessment after
awhile to see if we are measuring up.....and if we are not....why? She mentioned a few reasons
why we fail to see results. I think I have been guilty of quoting them all at one time or another.
I am embarrassed too....to think that I have used these excuses on You, thinking that because
I am so very human, You'd give me a free pass. As I look over the prayers I've written through
the months of 2010....I see many places where I suggested to You, I should work on "this, that,
or another"....and I have not kept up my end of the bargain. Bargain? Bad choice of wording.
I know You don't bargain with anyone. And, all I have to do is be faithful to all You have called
me to. I can make the changes I need to make IF I choose to do the work, be diligent, be faith-
ful, be determined, and be conscientious....ad nauseum. I get so tired of going over the same
territory.....reading the same scriptures....making a plan.....and falling off the track....and thinking
to myself...."Okay, let me rest a minute....I can do this....", but I never really try to re-group and
connect to the plan again. You, Lord....You are the One I am anxious to please. And, when I
feel I have spoiled the temple You chose for me to live in, it makes me sick. Okay, then....so, if
I am disgusted with my behavior.....and want to REALLY please You.....well then, why can't I
stick to a plan until I have conquered it. What is that "thing" that bars me from crossing the
finish line. Determination to not let satan tear me down is something I usually watch out for....
yet, I envision him standing back with his arms folded, perhaps leaning against a wall, watching
me flounder if I fall. Whether I am working on a diet plan, an exercise regimen, or a spiritually
enlightening pursuit I've promised myself I would do.....I am supposing that he delights in my failure.
almost find myself concurring with him that I might very well be a "loser" of the highest nature
and to ever vow to God again that I would "determine" not to fail, would definitely be an
exercise in futility. I realize Lord, he is the inventor of deceit, lies and mistrust. I realize too,
that I have fallen into the grip of his mentoring process on more than one occasion.
For my next area of growth in You, Lord....I will make a herculean effort to get back up when I
fall down. I will not continue this level of defeat in my spirit. I will "call on You for answers that
I could never have known otherwise...." and I will "trust in You....lean on You for understanding
I do not have the capacity for...and believe You will lead me in the areas of righteousness that
I am qualified to know." I realize my translations of the scripture leaves a lot to be desired, but
for me and my soul's peace.....You know my heart. You know the desire of my heart is to please
You. I pray today, that You would take my heart thoughts and translate them into Your own
language....in the name of Jesus, and give me peace. Amen.