Daring to be an Abraham?

Lord, as I read the devotional for today, I began to wonder how obedient I would be. Thinking
that if I was in the same age bracket as Abraham was, I might have more of a willing heart. I
don't know. I have difficulty thinking about that whole scenario. What in the world, Lord? How
could You ask him that? All the years he and Sarah had yearned for a child....and then You ask
him to do the unthinkable. A nicer daughter would not ask You these questions, Lord. I just know it....but , I have all these anxieties swirling around....I need to say them to You so You can
set me straight.
I can see from the scripture what You expect from us. OBEDIENCE. You want our full cooperation in accepting what You say and being willing to do what You ask of us (me, specifically). Do You accept that I would be willing but not necessarily happy? Do You accept
that my heart would be desperately crying out for You to save me (and mine)? Do You accept
that I would be taking forever and a day gathering the wood for the sacrifice...perhaps accidentally forgetting the rope or the flint or the knife or .......(the list goes on....doesn't it, Lord?)
Father, my angst shows through loud and clear, I know. In a life that is fully committed to God,
there should be no question that my ultimate will is for Your will and mine to coincide knowing
that in that fact, there's no question that peace will reign. I hope I am not missing something
here, Lord. You have got to stop me in my tracks if my thinking is skewed. I read in a "Reading
Course" book, long ago, that when we are obedient.....even if we are unhappy about it....even
kicking and screaming a bit.....You take what we can give You (our obedience; even when we
don't understand) and do an amazing feat of magic and make it "all work together for our good".
I know, Lord. I know this is someone else's idea....and apparently it worked for them, so they
thought they could share this information (for lack of a better word). Now I wonder, Lord....is
this right? And, the reason I ask is because I felt a connection to this tidbit....and wrote it down.
I wanted to remember it. I wanted to believe this could work for me and help me be a better
instrument for You. So, basically, I see what You have for me....or how I can serve You better.
And, then, because of my reluctance to do things Your way....I baulk. I think better of it and
decide to be obedient, but not too happily doing so. Do You accept this childish behavior? And,
I know it is childish. I know You know too that I am stubborn.
This devotional shows me how much farther I need to go to be an "Abraham". I cannot even
see myself in this position. But, I can tell You this....I want to be an "Abraham". I want there
to be no doubt to any soul watching my life that I would even dare to go there. I want You to
help me be willing. I want You to make me willing to be willing. Yes, I remember ! You will
do that for me too. Quoting the writer, Lord....."Abraham not only took God at His word, he
fully trusted Him with the situation. You and I would do well to do the same. The Bible is
full of God's promises to provide for us in times of sorrow, hardship, weakness and fear. Standing on His promises during adversity gives us the support we need until our troubles pass."
Lord, I thank You for the promises You provide. I lean on them heavily....and do so even when
I'm not sure You mean that "particular one" will "work" for me.
Forgive this anxious heart, Lord. Bless me with the wisdom of Your own heart....so I can better
serve You. Did I just say that? Yes, Lord....I did say it and do mean it. "....to better serve You."

Your will. Your way. In Your name. Amen.