Making Me a Blessing......to someone today!

Each day Father, I find more and more to do.....more to put on the list.....crossing off one.....adding two ......awaiting the moment I can sit a minute and go over "the list".....and finally assess that it is enough.   Is there always going to be a list?
I suppose that eventually when resources are no longer available.....there will only be well wishes! Until then, I will pursue the goals. 
 As I read a devotional this week I saw a gift that would be no expense at all.  The gift of giving your self as a prayer warrior for 365 days.  I have done this before and included several ladies in the process to do it also.  I do not think I ever followed up on whether they felt it was a gift that was well received......or even appreciated.  I think IF I felt anyone had chosen to do this for me......I would feel as if I had someone to lean on that would be somewhat responsible to talk to You for me......to ask You to lift me when I need
lifting, bless me when I need to be blessed, touched with your healing hand when I am ill, mentally or physically.  I read this earlier this week.....felt nudged by You to do something tangible for someone.....and didn't.  No real reason not to.....just laziness and failure to move myself to action.  It takes so little, Lord.  All we have to do really is write a little love note and tuck in some special good wishes and a prayer......and .......regrettably, I went empty handed......saw the one that You had nudged me about and felt guilty.  And, I should have.  I was disgusted with myself and berated myself for my lazy spirit.  When we met and embraced each other, her eyes filled with tears as we commiserated our thoughts to each other.  I knew my "gift" to her (from your lips to my ears)  would have been received with a grateful heart.....and there I was , standing ......wanting to make a difference......and couldn't.  How in the world could I tell her God had suggested to me I do something for her and I chose not to.
Disgusted.  And, that is all satan needs when he views my heart and life.  He continually looks for ways to tout the fact that I am a worthless Christian and why do I keep trying, anyway?   Vowing to make a difference.....determining to make a change to do just that.....and going by my physical feelings and just "putting it off 'til I feel better" will never accomplish one thing.   This has to stop, Lord.  My determination to be a warrior is waning.  The older I get, the lazier I feel.  I realize mental determination has a lot to do with my actual physical accomplishments.  I need You, Lord.  I need Your push inching  me in the right direction.  See, even when You suggest what I could do.....I still find myself finding excuses.  I find myself wanting to make a difference today.  However.  Whenever.  With whoever.  Put me out there and then, You and I can figure out later how to find my way back.  Prayer is easy for me.  I find that saying the words doesn't make anything so.  Doing is what really counts.  And, the biggest part is actually going to get what I need to do it......like a proper size box, tape and the right address to mail a package......or the right paper, card and envelope to send someone a note.  A phone call.....well, I need the phone book, a phone and a chair to sit in.  Why is it SO hard to do the right thing.  I have said it before.....so I will say it again......satan uses every legitimate trick in the book to get me off track.....to sideline my good intentions....sending me somewhere else to put out a fire that is never going to start.  Lord, my heart is weak today.....I guess my spirit is sagging a bit.  Why, I don't know.  It just is.  So, Lord.....whatever good I can do....I will.  I am so sorry I failed to do as You suggested, when You suggested it.  I will do my best to remedy this.   I need You to keep talking to my heart.  I want to be a better sounding instrument.  Not for my glory but for Your kingdom to come.  Faithful.  Enduring to the end.  Resolute.  Determined.  All of it....for You.  In Your name and will I pray and hope to live as You planned for me to.  Amen.