Okay, Lord.......so I finally manage to get through the "red tape" of getting online....(sometimes so slow) and because of the delay, forget what I'm on here for ( : ( ) and find myself looking at the "Bible Gateway" site that gives me the verse for the day. It's from Ephesians, chapter 6, verses 12 and 13. I read "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the Rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the whole armor of God so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything.....to stand." Sheesh, Lord......scare me to death, why don't You!
I started out having a pretty good day.....and now I am wondering....."Who's coming? Or, calling? Or, what is ahead? I guess I feel a little shaky in the knees after that.....yet, who am I talking to? Yep.....it's You , dear One. And, I can stop with the "OOOh , what's happening? stuff! I know You, Lord. I am Yours. And, You are not allowing one thing that You will not be overseeing. Please..... Please, help me remember that fact. You have in the past and I know I can count on You to do it for me now and in the future. I love You, Lord. I lift my heart and voice to You and give You praise for all of it. The good and the bad. It is what makes me....me! I do wonder at times if You knew what You were doing when You created me.....but, You have given me tools to use to better my life and my heart.....and all that goes with it. Some of the work has been done and I've seen the change in my behavior....I'm not sure that anyone else has.....and for me that has always been such a tender issue. I leave it all to You, Father. To insist that You change me into what You never planned for me to be is foolish. I've asked on more than one occasion for You to help me "be this" or " that" or something else entirely than who I am.....and I find that when You do for me what I ask...... I am not any more fulfilled than I was before the change. Lord.....I hesitate writing so "outloud" for fear of the
misunderstanding others may feel, but I know You are "getting it". My goal, has forever......been, to be the instrument that will carry out the plan You always had for me and the life You have given me. To try to deter from that plan will only make me unfit.
The responses that I have.....You know, Lord......those "first thoughts" that enter my mind when hearing, seeing, experiencing any given situation......are often ones that I need to correct, I feel. I read a devotional recently that at first, I deleted. (I righteously thought...."Well, that doesn't apply to me!") After all, it was entitled something like "Mean Girls". I decided to go into my "trash" and locate what I thought did not "apply to me". Oh, Lord.....I regret to inform You that I have slighted You and Your kingdom by my sly and unkind "wit"!! I have misused my authority as a mother, wife and leader in "leading the pack" in our conversation by not sifting the words that come out of my mouth. I've decided to hold myself accountable to You and my family that I would not say disparaging things about others or their situations. Whoever made the statement...."It isn't gossip.....it's all true!" should be smacked. Unkind is unkind. I need to be like You, Lord. All the time. Hmmm......I wonder, Lord.....how to do this, all the time. I need to be less judgmental.....more compassionate.....more empathetic.....and careful in the comment department. Perhaps to just "ZIP IT!" is preferable. Yeah.....I know. Now, I've gone and done it. I've let the cat out of the proverbial bag! I'm afraid all my friends and acquaintances will see this and know for sure I am a fake.
Lord......You know the heart that beats inside me. You supply the physical health for it to beat and sustain my life. But, You, dear One.....also supply the spiritual breath the gives me the life I crave and need....... to play my instrument for You. Whether the notes are loud and resonating or soft and in-filling......the music is for You , Lord. I will maintain a steadier, healthier beat for You and that kingdom of Heaven I am planning and working for. All I have said.... asked for ..... I ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.
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