You know, Lord.....I'm sitting here this morning reading a devotional and then perusing the Facebook site. Reading what other's have written about their Mom's makes me feel a little remiss today. I need to say something....but, first I feel that I need to speak to her. So.....would You give her this note.
Dear Mom.....It's been so long since I wrote You a letter. I will always wish I had been a better daughter
for you. I truly do. There was so much I never understood about our relationship. So, when we clashed, I was never as respectful as a daughter should be. If you could say something to me right now....it would probably be ....." Will you stop. It's okay. I always knew you loved me." Right now, this is not good enough for me. I probably learned more about you, from the last five years of your life than I would ever believe possible. I learned how to respect and love you in those years perhaps more than in the years I lived at home with you and daddy and the boys. And, that is saying a lot. I saw you become an icon of virtue of the dearest kind. To see the trauma you endured.....and live through it, gave me a window to look through on the kind of spiritual resolve and determination it takes to go through the deepest of valley's. Besides the fact that I felt as a girl and later, young woman, that I could never please you.....makes me sad. I suppose all girls feel that way at one time or another.....I just could not step above it. I was weak and insecure. Probably Mom, I still suffer from that......but, it still does not excuse my behavior. I never understood why we could not can pickles without a fuss or why I couldn't run my household without interference. It was always hard to find some middle ground. Seeing "eye to eye" was difficult. Telling you in a less than "honorable" way will forever stay in my memory. Especially when I realized you really hadn't heard what I said
at all. But.....then, I saw, what had been there all the time. The quiet reserve in you that would rise when you found yourself in the saddest place in your life. I realized then, that I would be the only warrior you had. Everyone else had to go home. You and I had to walk that place alone. With God,
we endured.....didn't we? He gave us great strength. He gave us wisdom for the decisions that had to be made. He gave us so much to giggle over. Some of those memories are precious to me. For the arms and legs, hands and feet that would not move anymore, you still remained regal to me. Your heart for ministry never failed you either. I saw many of the medical staff stand at your bedside and complain about their lives and the failure of their hopes and dreams to ever be realized. You were doing what I believe was the only form of ministry you could do. It made me proud of you. To adjust your capacity to teach, preach and sing to that of laying motionless, just listening.....and to do it with such graceful resolve, was phenomenal. You were the essence of honor and beauty. When I think of the legacy you maintained and eventually left for me.....I am honored to be called your daughter.
To think of being such a strong example of spiritual strength.......makes me left to hope and reach for such a thing as this. Thank you for loving me. Praying for me. I know John may read this later, so, if you can imagine him grimacing :)......."I really do want to be like you." Strength like yours could only come from the Father. I love you. Corrine
Thank you, Jesus....thank You for reminding me of the great task we have. To live. To serve. To envelope each day with the promise of life with You in an eternal home You are building for us as
Your children. To remember our heritage and the hard choices of life that create the foundation we
live on. To never forget how we got to where we are. Whether good or bad.......we are responsible
to create the memory of our own existence. I pray, dear One, that the memory I create will be a positive one and that it would be envisioned by those who represent us, as inspirational. All that is said and thought in this prayer journal.....I write in the name and honor of Jesus Christ. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment