I am not sure what to do today. There are a few things on the list. But, I keep coming back to You, Lord. So often, I cannot move into my day without clearing my slate. Was it John Wesley that said something like, "I have so much to do.....I must spend three hours in prayer....." ? Well, You and I know, Lord......that I have rarely, if ever.... spent three hours praying....but that aside, my time with You is so very precious to me. It is the connection to You alone that I cherish. And, very often, time vanishes because there is nothing more important than baring my soul to You when I write. There is nothing earthshaking happening or a huge list of things to do..... but, I am urged to talk to You and then to tell You how relieved I am for obeying the prompting of Your Holy Spirit to write to Mom. Lord, I do wonder if she read it....or if you read it to her or if she was upset by all I wrote. You know, the "outloud" thing? Did she understand my thinking? Talk to her, Lord......she'll understand You.
I find that the relationships of Mothers and daughters are so complicated at times. I don't think anyone wants that.
Why is it so hard to understand the thought process of someone else? Why is it we see our own thoughts and feelings so "understandable" or "natural" or "perfect"? Lord, why is it so easy to have an answer for everyone else's life? I read long ago that a surefire way to know if you are a mature
individual....is that you accept responsibility for your own behavior; whether it is negative or positive.
You are responsible for your words. You are responsible for your decisions. Lord.....I would love to
be on record with you that I aim to make sure at this age in my life....I will be responsible for my behavior. Whether it is the words I use in an interaction with another individual or the decision to eat something that offends my system. Lord....I contend that my decisions occasionally clash with another....and my "years of wisdom" not withstanding.....I am not always right. It's so hard to admit that. As I read the devotionals from day to day.....trying to gain wisdom from your word and hoping that there is NOT something in particular I need to change.... (?)....Well, Lord...... I need Your constant watch and care. I do know that. It is not something I necessarily like but, it is something I desire. It is something I've come to depend upon. Your divine Word......giving me hope.....instruction.....assurance and those mental check-ups that I would rather not see......but, I thank You for anyway. Thank You for helping me see the areas of life that will benefit me being a better instrument
for You. When I think that my behavior and/or words will offend or dishearten another soul ....it discourages me and hurts me and, I'm sure, will mar my testimony. I know there are times when I do feel disgusted with another and would like to set them straight quickly(!) but I also know that in some cases they want so badly to please You too, as I do. Well then, Lord, I need desperately for You to super-impose Your opinion on me. (You know, Lord. Help me to ZIP IT!!!) I think it is so wonderful when You step in and ensure us by Your Word of Knowledge, that You will do what is necessary. And, then.....when we see what You have done.....it helps us to be a little stronger the next time. I have always thought my interference (I like to think of it as help!!) in your work would make things easier for You. I will try to leave the "heavy lifting" for You. For me and anyone else that loves You.... we surely have enough to do to keep our own home ready for inspection. I will remind myself of my own life verse.....in my words. "Oh Lord.....let the words that come out of my mouth and the thoughts and feelings that congregate in my heart and mind.....Oh, Lord.....let them all be acceptable in Your sight, Dear One, my strength and my Redeemer. " Psalm 19:14 .
For my concerns, my husband and family and the people I am called to minister to, I require Your intervention, Lord. I need Your strength and wisdom....and I ask all in the name of Jesus. Amen.
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