Being Your Servant...Always

You know, Lord....I often wonder why I don't have a few more opportunities than I do
to lead someone to Christ. I hope it's not because You don't trust me....I just do
wonder on occasion why. I remember the few times I have....I found it to be most
exhilarating, yet worrisome. I have always second-guessed myself...always wondered
"Did I say enough?". Or, "Did I say too much?". The after-effects of "the event"
have not always been successful. I don't always use the right words. I never have
been sure that my scripture quoting was right. I couldn't always remember the refer-
ence, so I was sure that "it" would never work. I know that the ultimate decision
for You will be a seal that only You can stamp. I need to remember that it's You, Oh
Lord, and only You that can make the difference. More often than not, I have felt
that it was up to me to "get them to stay saved". And, Lord...I know that it is Your
imprint on our lives that makes us want to live for You. And, I know too, that Your
goal for me is that I live as I believe You want me to...that I pray and read the
scriptures...that I behave in a manner that exemplifies You, Lord. You and I both
know that You have had to reign me in a time or two...just because I thought I could
do more than You ever planned that I should do. I remember the time I felt like it
was my job to "protect" my subject from the discouragements that come. In essence, helping them step over the pitfalls that satan always throws into our lives when he knows we are tentative in our walk with You. I know You remember. Finally, I let go. I remember thinking, "Okay Lord, I can't do this anymore". This is Your job." I also remember them falling away from You and the church....and as far as I know, haven't ever returned to You. Satan would have me believe that these failures are mine to bear. I realize now that they are not. You will step in when and if they call on You again. I pray they do.
And You know what, Lord....I know that what You want from me is a willing heart and
a sensitive spirit to do what it is You have called me to do. I can't save the world
and know that the pressure of that would put me under. I would, though, love to be
the faithful servant You want me to be. Wherever. Whenever. I want to live the way
You want me to live and to be the courier for You I should be. Your instument. Today
is the day I give these concerns to You. I ask and speak all of these words in the
name and power of Jesus. Amen.