"I Must Tell Jesus....Jesus Alone!"

I remember thinking a couple days ago, Lord, that it has been years since I wrote anything to You about my dad. You allowed me the privilege to have such a wonderful man as my father.
Carl Ray Candel. (Actually,I found out years later the actual pronunciation shouldn't have been as "candle" but "can-dell". Why did I always feel "less-than", just because my name spoken aloud, sounded like "candle"?) Lord, my emotions are flipping all over the place. I am reading
"Oswald" this morning.....and , I am thinking, "Are You trying to tell me something.....AGAIN,
LORD?" Anyway, I understood very little. And so.....I go back to my dad and wonder what makes me the way I am. (Yeah, it's his fault I'm like I am! Uh, Lord....I'm only kidding. )He was a gentle soul. So very kind and compassionate.....and forgiving.
He was responsible. He was able to listen and discern what was good and right. For many years,
I really thought that He was "hen-pecked". And, then after he passed away , I saw that he really was the directional signal for our home. I liked the fact that he consistently tried to make us smile when things were not so smile-worthy! What he had to deal with as a young man
shows me that You knew, Lord....that You could trust him to be faithful....just as You knew that Job could be trusted. I thank You, Lord, for the fact that he wasn't afraid to express his love for us. It wasn't always the "outloud I-Love-You"....it was the silent smile....his gentle squeeze on my shoulder....and his bowed head. I remember, Lord, when I questioned his thoughts on forgiveness after a particularly degrading and devastating time in his later ministry. (I have to tell You Lord.....I wish You had cut out my tongue instead of letting me speak). He was so gentle and easy in his response to me and showed me how when we are WEAK, God......You, Lord.... are strong. You give us direction. You show us how to deal in Your power. Even when, we have no recourse. No answer. No inspiration from anyone. Probably Lord, (most likely) then is when
You can do the most for us.....when no one else is speaking up.....no one seems to have an idea of how to handle the situation.....THAT.......is when You do Your best work. Usually I am so busy telling You how I think something should be done....or said....or thought.....that You have to
practically put a muzzle on me. My mouth is still moving....a sound is coming out.....but no one can understand me. I honestly love when You do that, Lord. It shows me, consistently, that I
expect You to run the show in my life.....that I trust You.....ultimately. I know daddy did. And,
Lord....I always thought of him to be as much like You as I thought anyone could be. I believe
You gave me what I needed. The answers. The heritage. The hope. I am blessed and I know
it.

I can't quit yet....anyone peeking in on my prayer is thinking...."Sheesh.....this woman goes on
forever!" can quit reading now. But, I am not done. Not today. Not by a long shot. You are the only One that can listen to my leaping heart thoughts and give me peace. You know
my heart. You know my quivering emotions. You know I wish You would FIX all my anxious
requests. I can't. I get tired of trying to make everything...."all better". I get tired of trying to
act like You all the time. Yikes! I can't believe I just said that. Let me think about that. Let me
repeat it and see if it holds the same punch. "I-get-tired-of-trying-to-act-like-You-all-the-time". Yeah....it does. And, all I can say is.....yes, I do get tired and I feel like it is "acting" and
I'm not sure if it should be that way. For now, I will let it go and just tell You that when I woke
up this morning....I decided that I would be...."leavin' it all up to You!" I think that used to be a
popular song....I remember those particular lines fit this scenario in my mind. Albeit just those
words though! Another song comes to mind....a safer one. "I must tell Jesus all of my trials; I
cannot bear these burdens alone. In my distress He kindly will help me; He ever loves and
cares for His own." This is a better one....because I know it to be true. Just because I have
given my life to You does not mean I don't have to live my life.....and make decisions....and pray
for people....and do things that require my time and effort....and go through heartaches. Life is life and can be harder than hard. Pressing a button to lift me out of it doesn't work. But, calling
on You to take my distress and bringing me peace instead, is my call.
And, to make a long story short, Lord.....that's what I am doing today. For all.....I ask your will and blessing. And for Your glory to shine on me . And, for any favor that is due to come my way....well, need I say more, Lord? Bring it on. I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.