"Another Year....Another Prayer"

Thank you Lord....for allowing me to have another birthday. I'm not especially crazy about being 67 years old but, the prospect of going back to 39 or 40 is not an ideal I'd like either. I guess there are a few things in my life I wish I could do over, but , not too many. In fact, I don't even care to name one. Nothing comes to mind....yet. I remember when my sweet Mother-in-
law looked at us all at the dinner table one Sunday, and said, if she had it to do over, she would
raise her children the same way. I remember that it inspired a speech from my husband (directed at his Mother ) that she wouldn't soon forget. He wasn't happy because she was so
rigid in her determination to raise him to be a Godly man, that she was adamant he would never
play any sports because she did not want him to wear shorts. I don't know if that was the only
reason but it was all she could manage when questioned about it. He was a very frustrated young man because he had so much natural ability to play about any sport he chose. It was a
hard road to walk on for him. One filled with frustration and anger.....that finger wagging in his face, basically just saying...."because I said so." Lord, how you deal with us is so unlike that. Well, for some I guess they might feel it is like a finger pointing and wagging...."because I
said so".....but, Lord....I see that as Your way of protecting me (us). I know my Mother-in-law saw
it as protecting. She was sure that loving sports as much as her son did, it would eventually
dissuade him from following the Lord. Lord, no one except You knows that fact....
and I would never want to know. ( And, thankfully....You provided that area of forgiveness that we are unable to do on our own and provided my love the peace he had to have in that situation.) I do know , however, that the way we are raised, the parents
we have been born to, our environmental background and the events that take place throughout
all of our growing-up years....have expressed effectiveness on how we react to people and treat
people as adults. There is so much to think about when you go back to your childhood. Your
first memories.....if they are positive or negative and why it matters. It is something I don't find
particularly inspiring. I don't remember it, Lord.... but, one day I was sitting on the floor chewing on something and, my Mother leaned down to me and placed her finger in my mouth to flick out
whatever it was. It happened to be a big old green fly. Yuck! That is not something I remember.....but, I do remember being in my crib....in a little room that had blue wallpaper with
white kitties printed on it. I remember tearing little pieces of it off in between the slats of my
crib. Nothing particularly significant about that memory I guess but a visiting cousin smashing my favorite little cereal bowl on the only big stone in our driveway stands out. I wonder why
he chose to do that. And, I do not remember another thing about it. Did I run to my Mother
and express my sadness and/or anger? I don't remember. Lord, throughout my life, I know there will be places that I will go in my mind and it will make me recall sadness, regret, happy
memories or perhaps, still angry thoughts. Could you.....when I am ready.....show me areas
that will make me test my heart....stir up the conversations that will lead me to understanding
who I am and why I act like I do. My goal dear Lord, is to be the exact specimen You expected
and planned for me to be. If I try to hide what I shouldn't ....even through repressed memories,
I ask that however trying it could be....point it out. Dig it out. Show me so I can understand
better. And, Lord.....if I am looking for trouble where there is none....in the name and power
of Jesus and pleading the blood of Jesus for my safety net.....I forego this area of excavation.
All I need.....and all I want....is Your way and will to be evident in my life. I am filled with
the imperfections that annoy me and often wish I were not so fallible....but Lord, I have given
You over and over the rooms of my heart. You are allowed into every one of them. If there is
any scrubbing to be done....let me know. I'll have to go find my gloves to protect my ailing hands, but I will be glad to get into any cracks and crevices that are keeping me from being
the instrument for You I should be. "Take me, mold me, fill me, use me.....I give my life ....to
the Potter's hand." The song says it perfectly. This year of my life is your's to do with what
You please. I am Your servant. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth....I pray. Amen.