Oh, Lord....You know me so well. You always know. Most of the time, I can mask how I really feel to others. I hate for people to know I'm such a basket case. Feeling like there are "white coats" around the corner to carry me off is almost .....well, how about I move on?
Lord, yesterday there was another one. They seem to be coming fast and furious these days. (I am on this quest to stop the "three" thing.) This gentleman that has now been ushered into your presence, was a man, to all of the same opinion, a great example for you....a decorated soldier....a trusted friend and confidant. Lord, I often have the same question for You. Why do these that labor in love for You, end up in such a dilapidated state? It is so sad at times to think they know how "they have ended up" and are dejected at the state they are in. I have seen, heard and witnessed the sadness of so many who die and go on to the reward You have created....and I (whom you already know has 25 questions) am left to wonder....is it just too trivial for me to worry about the trails of food left on bedclothes after a meal....or the unkempt hair....or .....well, Lord, it all sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? It's obvious I want to go out "in queenly fashion" isn't it? Okay, Lord. I'm going to give all of that to You, again. I have worried about "being a NICE old lady" (and even prayed You will make it so..) but I haven't thought about all of the other aspects of old age. (Please make sure someone is careful to pluck the occasional chinny-chin protruberances.) I hate that, You know! ( Also, I would also like to be positioned so I don't look like I have 3 chins.) Lord, when life is falling apart around me and I can think these unimportant issues....makes me wonder if I am all there. Well, You above all know me....and so You know that too. I will leave it all with You.
I remember being so careful to make sure everyone who took care of Mom knew what a elegant, classy lady she was. I wanted to fix her hair like she always fixed it.....I wanted to make sure lotions were applied faithfully....her skin was so soft and pretty. Her hair didn't need any color applied. As the years faded the auburn color, she had such a beautiful shade of hair color....actually not easily described. The fact that when she died , she had no nose, was overlooked. I really didn't even notice it because the beauty of Jesus was shining through. I know Father, that You and Your presence was surrounding us all and did that particular work of art. How awesome You truly are. As in the devotional I read this morning....I will believe and continue to lean on the fact that YOU, dear One, are enough. In every question I have....whether it is foolish or not.....I will contend always, that You are enough. Isaiah 46:3b-4 says to me....."You whom I have upheld since you were concieved and have carried since your birth...even to your old age and gray hairs, I AM HE.....I AM HE WHO WILL SUSTAIN YOU....I HAVE MADE YOU AND I WILL CARRY YOU. I WILL SUSTAIN YOU AND RESCUE YOU." Lord, how can I not leave it with You and believe that ALL will be well and the worries I have are not worthy of worry? How You will do this is up to You. I have no suggestions. (I am sure that probably surprises you!) You, who knew when to place the moon and the sun, the stars that twinkle.....surely knows the desires of my heart and the hope of seeing You one day. That is what is important. I do know that. And, Lord....I will leave it to Your plan.
Thank You Lord, for the healing touch You have provided for those we have prayed for this week.....thank You for the presence of Your peace as we have waited....and Lord, could You once more, grant me the favor I am deserving of today. I hesitate to even say it outloud....You know my thought process....and how I literally do not understand the depth of Your love for me....I only accept what You say. So, and once again, I ask for Your divine will and all I plead for to be done in the name of Jesus. Until I ask for more.....I say amen.
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