Hello to You, dear One.   I am at peace when I come to talk to You.  I have all of these questions swirling about in my head....and I look at scriptures....and devotionals....and still have so many  concerns about why I am like I am.  So many  years ago, after some classes taken at a seminar....I found myself anxious and depressed after determining my personality strengths and weaknesses.  Lord, I vividly remember going home to wonder how I could minister to anyone with all of my flaws.  I also remember one day when I was looking into the kitchen pantry of one of our church parsonages (it was that vivid)  and deciding it was time then,  to stop pretending "I had it all together", when I didn't at all.  "Acting as if" wasn't working for me.  It just made me feel worse.  And, Lord.....I also remember one day telling the ladies in a Bible study group about my depression issues.  Most said nothing.  One woman indicated she had "no  clue" about what I was seemingly suffering and indicated there must be "something wrong with me".  I probably struggled more after that "coming clean" session than I believed was necessary.  And, Lord....I know You remember it as well as I do.  I also remember You were especially close to me in showing me those who could advise as well as pray with me and for me.  I was embarrassed to admit I was fallible in any area.  I still feel Lord that You impressed me to be real to those I was ministering to.  The first word I heard from someone that was trying to encourage me was "candid".  I also remember sort of having to check on the meaning of the word.  After that,
Lord.....I felt that "being candid" needed to be my mantra.  I wanted those I was responsible for (in
teaching and giving advice to in our ministry) to know that I didn't have all the answers for them....but I knew someone who did.....and that praying together could lead them to the same peace You had given to  me.  Throughout the years of teaching and speaking .....I always find that You allow me some of Your wisdom in connecting with others and that after I have done all I can do;  go to the foot of the cross and lay that and any other burden I have,  down.  Usually Lord, after I have done all my talking, whether in  a class or our Worship time.....I see the trickle-down effect of my words.  It's not always positive.  It's not always encouraging at all.  After the devil hears my words I really think he pounces on them and turns them against me.  Well.....why can't I blame him, Lord?  He is the detractor of all things positive, Lord.  Anything I have done and said, he will turn to his advantage.  Lord, I told the congregation on Sunday to be "on guard all the time".....to "wear our helmet of salvation"....the breastplate of righteousness seems to be a little more elusive.  Why?  I think mostly, Lord, it's because I do not feel worthy enough to be called "righteous".  Lord, I really think that is satan.  I think it is his job (as satan) to discourage, deflate, detour any manner of righteousness I deserve.  Lord, only You can change that for me.  I read the best verse this morning on the "Facebook" site by a young woman that was a teen in our first church.  She had a picture of a mother bird with her babies tucked in right under the safety of her wings and this verse......"He shall cover you with his feathers and under His wings you shall take refuge..". Lord, that and so many other verses encourage me and show me how very loved I am.  Why is it so easy to forget that?  Why do I put up with satan's lies?
Help me remember that You are the power source for me.  That I can call on You each and every moment of the day.  I ask all of this, again.  I ask all....in the name of Jesus.  I pray for Your will to be done.  Amen.