Jittery and nervous. Anxious and depressed. All in the same body, mind and spirit. Combating all this confusion is an answer. Lord, first thought is "How did I get here? Again?" Second thought is: "Talk to God." So often, I am in this place. And, the same old fears abound....and a few new ones surface. I think it's time , dear One, to put this to rest again! Out of commission. At the foot of the cross. Hmmm.....maybe, buried at the foot of the cross. For sure....the next time....I'll be sure to bring my shovel, Lord....to help with the process.
I teach. I exhort, on occasion. I pray. I believe....most of the time. But....I do not leave everything with You.....all the time. In actual fact, as I was reading today, I'm thinking I have (because I complain and whine so much).....but haven't really told You my heart thoughts about what I am suffering. I'm apparently too busy moaning. I'm sorry, Lord. Here I have been waiting for You to release an answer and give me some peace, and, I haven't even asked for Your mercy.....and Your answer to my dilemma.
It continues to amaze me Lord. I think I have just about got You figured out and You shock me with some inspirational words from devotional writers and the inspired word of God......and there I sit....furiously writing and trying to take in all this "new" information You have for me. Of course, Lord, it's not new at all. I've heard it all before. Sometimes, I think You should give us a quiz now and then.....but, that's okay.....the storms that rage in on occasion are enough to keep me on my knees.
"I stand amazed in Your presence....Jesus, the Nazarene. I wonder how You could love me.....a sinner, condemned and unclean. How marvelous. How wonderful. And, my song shall always be....how marvelous. How wonderful....is my Saviour's love for me." How do I tell You that if it wasn't for Your love I would be hopeless? What amazes me most is that even though You tell me how to live for You, I fall and fail regularly.....and You still love me. You take the time to come back, help me up....nurture me and steady my walk enough so You can go on ahead of me to prepare the way.....again and again. Thankfully You do not leave me to struggle alone.
I praise You today for the wonderful words I have recently read that have strengthened me and encouraged me. The choices I make.....to read Your word and to feast on the meal You spread out for me....or to insist I've had enough sustenance and can go a little longer without eating....Well, Lord.....this kind of dieting I do not need. My help comes from You. I will maintain this healthy lifestyle as long as You give me breath.
For this day, the problems that I view, the heart concerns and the answers I desperately seek....I ask all in Your will, in Your way, in Your time, and in the name of Jesus. Amen.
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