Forbid it Lord that I Should gain...unless I Change!

Lord, I just wrote  to you a little bit ago in my composition book.....and then,   I always wonder when I have this urge to write to You "out-loud" if I am trying to impress somebody.  I am so sick of trying to figure out why I do what do.   You, dear One.... are the One that I aim to impress....if that is even  possible.  I seem to be in consistent need to be found worthy.  Lord, I am never sure why.  I do not know if it is a genetic predisposition or a fluke of nature.  You know, Lord.....I've read book  after book on the subject.  Okay, I know....I know.  I've actually only  read parts of books.  Nothing I see ever speaks to me on how to cut this out of my psyche.  The only thing I've read and heard is from Dr. Phil.  Don't laugh, Lord.  "He tells it like it is!"  You know how he talks.  He says something like....."So, what's the payoff you get for ....." however you are behaving.  Lord, all I can say is....."Uh.....somebody is noticing what I am doing and making a comment about it?"  Is that what it has all come down to Lord?  Somebody.....anybody.....noticing?  I am not a fan.  I don't like it.  And, I don't want it to be a part of my makeup anymore.  And, since I cannot seem to fix it.....You're going to have to.  And, I give You permission to re-route, re-configure, and reboot my internal thought processes.  I need to retain Your word in my heart and mind.  It is the truest form of staying on Your good side, isn't it?  Lord, I love to feel close to You.....most of the time.  I love knowing that You are always watching me and listening......most of the time.  I love to feel the nudge I get when I have truly messed up a plan that You had expected me to make good use of....and failed to.  I do love it even when I say I'm annoyed with You......because I know that when You are  pleased with how I have honored You in my conversation and comings and goings.....I know then, that You can use me as Your instrument.  I will wait then....and hope and believe that the matters that seem so important....and what appears to have been a failure.....well, when turned over to You, will eventually turn out to be for Your glory (to shine) and our good  (to teach).  Search me then, Oh God.....since You know my heart and mind.....see if there be any way in me that is not worthy of You.....that You would consider and pronounce "sin".....show me Your glory Lord in freeing me of any encumbrance that would keep me from doing and living in Your complete will for me.  I ask in Your name, Lord.  The name of Jesus....and will. Amen.