"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

Friday, October 7, 2011

As I contemplate talking to You today , Lord.....I don't know where to start. So much has gone on in just a few days and just about all of it has been fulfilling and inspiring. I needed that this week. You always have the right dose of medication for me to take. Of course, Lord.....I remind You often of the times when I don't think You have paid enough attention to me and start pulling on Your garment to say "Please, Lord! Don't You see me?" . Or....."Can't You help me?". I hate it when I am so pathetic. Over and over, You come to me and look at my plight.....or the situation I have created.....and You calm the troubled waters, and give me peace. And, so often, I am sure You have given up on me and  my constant need to have You hold my hand. I know in my heart You haven't gone anywhere and left me to my own resources. It is my head and my heart that don't always properly connect. Somewhere in that mix, I know satan makes himself available to every whim of my spirit. Overwhelm me with Your holy presence Lord. I need to avail myself of the divine power of Your word. Have I prayed this prayer before? Of course, I have. Have I meant it? Of course, I have.
Is it possible to just say, "Ditto, Lord!" No. I don't think so. No one likes to be taken for granted. No
one.....especially You, Lord. And, why do I think I should be given that privilege? I need to constantly make satan aware that You are my "Solid Rock!". I need to make satan aware that no matter what happens.....or doesn't happen......You are my "go-to" preference. I need to make satan aware that I will never detour from that fact. I need to make him crazy with my insistence and/or constancy in taking everything to You, Lord. I maintain that vow to You. I cannot live, in any sense, a productive, spirit-filled life without turning every aspect of it over to You and the wisdom You provide me regularly. I just quoted my life verse this morning to someone asking advice. Psalm 19:14 is a prayer that I need to flow easily from my heart and mind....and I think it does, and then, I'm wavering in my thought process and all of a sudden remember this verse....."Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer. ". Another.....is "Greater is He that is in ME.....than he that is in the world". And, Lord....another notation to You....."I NEED THEE; O I NEED THEE! EVERY HOUR I NEED THEE! O BLESS ME NOW, MY SAVIOR.....I COME TO THEE!" .   If this precious lady, Annie
Hawks, could write these words in 1872, and they resonate with me, then Lord.....why do I feel that to come to You with my various heart thoughts is bothersome to You? I will not. With You helping me with my new version of "self-talk", I will continue to "bother" You.   In all my ways, I will acknowlege You, Lord. Thank You for this heart to heart, today. Thank You for the time You give to my woeful talk. Thank You for loving me in such I way that I will never really understand....but just accept. I pray in the name of Jesus and always, will to be done. Amen.

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Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

My Life Verse

Friday, October 7, 2011

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